


The Kids Are (Almost) Alright

by LynxCore



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: All the boys have trauma, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, April is a good friend, Apriltello if you squint, Baron Isn't A Good Dad, Bebop and Rocksteady Make Appearances, Blood and Injury, Brotherly Banter, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, But He Wants To Be, Comedy, Crying, Disaster Twins, Donnie Is Bad At Feelings, Donnie needs a hug - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Family, Family Issues, Fighting, Fights, Hugs, Hurt Donatello (TMNT), Hurt/Comfort, Minor Violence, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Oldest Brother Raph, Other, Protective Donatello (TMNT), Someone get these boys a therapist, Trauma, Two Fathers, adding tags as I go, but they're there for each other, for flavor, he's trying, no Tcest, playful banter, some swears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27173893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynxCore/pseuds/LynxCore
Summary: "Okay, okay. Not surprised the only thing menacing about this guy was his armor, but you didn't answer my question, what happened to him?" Leo asks again."Yeah, and why is he here?" Donnie adds, much more harshly, gripping his tech-bo more firmly.-----Baron Draxum ends up at the lair unexpectedly, injured and completely alone, after getting ambushed by some mutants looking to turn him into Big Mama for the hefty bounty she'd placed on his head.While Mikey and the rest warm up to him, opening their hearts to forgive him, Donnie can't.At least not yet, until Draxum can apologize for all the times he'd tried to kill them.
Relationships: Baron Draxum & Splinter (TMNT), Donatello & April O'Neil (TMNT), Donatello & Baron Draxum (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo (TMNT), Donatello & Michelangelo (TMNT), Donatello & Raphael (TMNT)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 74





	1. The Kid Is Almost Alright (Not Quite)

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyo!!
> 
> Soo here's this! 
> 
> I wanted to write post the full story in one chapter, buuutttt I've decided to break it into 2 or 3 chapters!
> 
> I hope you enjoy! ^^

Donnie didn't know how to feel when him and his brothers second "dad" showed up one night, searching for them and Splinter.

It was so unexpected. It had caught him so off guard, leaving him only able to stand there as Baron was aided by Mikey and Splinter.

Baron looked weak, not like his usual threatening self. His long hair was messy and matted and he looked much thinner. It looked like all the fight in him had been sucked right out.

And it actually _had,_ in a literal sense.

The Dark Armor did a number on him, and just saying he was weakened would be an understatement.

Mikey had been the one to come get them when Baron had first showed up. He ran to each of their rooms, and only said one thing to each of them.

" _Draxum needs help!"_

This left all of them confused, obviously.

" _Draxum? What do you mean Draxum?"_ Donnie remembered himself replying, but Mikey had already sprinted down to Leo's room, leaving him with no other choice but to drop the tech he was working on to go answer his own question, snatching his tech-bo before he had left, just to be safe.

Sure enough, Baron did appear to need help. He looked awful. Weak. Defeated. Nothing compared to how the turtles had seen him. All Donnie's memories of him came from fighting and dodging near death experiences.

And now here he was. It was so strange seeing him without his amor, in the form of a regular mutant who was down on their luck.

He seemed other worldly when they fought with him, and now he just looked like a any other mutant.

"Wait, wait, wait, _that's_ Draxum? The big scary guy that released Shredder? _That's_ him?" Leo questioned, pointing to the furry creature. "What happened to him?"

Baron shot Leo a glace, but it seemed he didn't even have the energy to glare. He just gave a groan, one of pain.

Splinter took Baron's hand into his own, his hand appearing so small compared to his. He led Baron over to the small arm chair he basically lived in, with Mikey on his opposite side supporting him.

"Yes. This is what Baron Draxum truly looks like." Splinter responds, and his eyes don't leave Baron, easing him to sit down.

He basically collapses into the chair, curling up a little. One arm is thrown over the side, the other folded over his stomach, where blood appeared to be seeping through his clothes. He closes his eyes, very visibly exhausted.

"Okay, okay. Not surprised the only thing menacing about this guy was his armor, but you didn't answer my question, what happened to him?" Leo asks again.

"Yeah, and why is he _here_?" Donnie adds, much more harshly, gripping his tech-bo more firmly.

Splinter looks towards them, giving a glance to each of them. His eyes go to Donnie as he speaks. "He's here because he had no where else to go."

"By accident." Baron grumbles, probably taking all the strength he could muster. "I was walking blindly. I didn't want to come here." He doesn't open his eyes, just closes them tighter.

Mikey seems to take it into his own hands. "He was being attacked by some mutants, or- uh, he _got_ attacked, they messed him up pretty badly. He came here because he needed help. He told us."

Baron looks shameful, snarling at his words as he tensed.

Each brother gave him a cautious look but Mikey, who placed a gently hand on his back. There's a growl, but it's weak, and after a moment, Baron relaxes.

Donnie gritted his teeth, tensing. "Oh, so we just believe him? Yeah, okay." He looks at Splinter, who lets out a sigh.

"I have never once heard Baron ask for help, especially from me. He would rather die than ask for help. I cannot turn him away." He tries to reason, but that doesn't seem to calm Donnie down at all.

In fact, it sets him off.

"He's getting what he deserves! He's tried to kill us so many times- he unleashed Shredder! You know, the monster we had to stop from tearing up New York? The same thing that's almost killed us? That _would_ have killed us if Leo didn't _somehow_ mange to get Big Mama to help us?" He throws his hands up.

Leo grins. "I appreciate the credit."

"Shut up, Leo! Now is not the time for your- _whatever,_ the point is, why should we help him? Because he _asked_ for it?" He yelled, the anguish and frustration in his voice bouncing off the walls. "You, out of everyone, should have just turned him away! Yet you're sitting him down and offering our _home_ to him?" He's wound up, eyebrows knitted together as he steps forward, pointing his tech-bo at the lump of sheep on the armchair.

Baron opens his eyes, just a sliver, looking right at the staff, then up at Donnie. He doesn't go on the defence, or say anything, just closes his eyes.

"I'm not offering our home to him! I'm-"

"You're _what?_ " Donnie interrupts, looking away from Baron to Splinter.

" _Listen_ , I have my fair share of quarries with Draxum. He mutated me, for peete's sake, but we can take our angry out of him later. It is cruel to attack him when he's in such a weak state. We are not cruel." He explains calmly, then he lets his tone take an angrier pitch. "Now, stop your arguing! Right now is not the time fir it."

Donnie sputters, gritting his teeth. "Are you serious?"

Mikey comes up behind Donnie, hands timidly clasped together. It's obvious he's about to try and deescalate the situation. "Well, uh- he is family." He speaks, tone benevolent as he does.

That gets Baron to open his eyes, looking at Mikey with a surprised expression.

Donnie looked over at his brother, raising his eyebrows.

Before he can offer any sarcastic quip, Mikey is speaking again. "He created us. We wouldn't be here without him. He's family, and I think he deserve a second chance. He came to us asking for help, didn't he? He has to be ready to change."

That was just like Mikey. He was always so optimistic and hopefully. Even in the worst situations or with the worst people.

There's a lot Donnie wants to say. But in that moment, as he takes in Mikey's expression; hopeful and believing, he doesn't.

He doesn't have the heart to crush his brother's sprit, not with how his eyes glow with so many emotions.

He steps back to where Leo was standing, feeling both Leo's and Raph's gaze on him. He doesn't look back at them just yet.

"Okay, well if he's _soooo_ hurt, he should stay in the Med-Bay for a while." Donnie suggests, crossing his arms.

Mikey exchanges a glance with Splinter, who nods. Together, they both encourage Baron to stand, taking a place at each of his sides to support him as he gets to his feet.

Splinter stops as he passes by Donnie, looking over at him. "I see you'll tend to him in the morning?" He asks, and Donnie knows he's not really _asking_ , he's _telling_ Donnie he'll be tending to Baron.

Because he was the only one of Splinter's sons to have such an extensive knowledge on first aid, Donatello would be the only one skilled enough to do it properly.

"Fine." He says, stiffly, and Splinter continues walking Baron in the direction of the infirmary.

The moment all three have left, Donnie seethes.

He feels Raph place a hand on his shoulder, casing him to relax a little. He goes to say something but Leo, of course, beats him to it.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this mad before."

Donnie snaps his gaze to him, taking in a breath. "Of course I'm mad! Why are _you_ all so calm?"

Leo takes a brief pause, probably to come up with some witty remark, so Raph snatches that opportunity to speak. He'd always been good at easing Donnie down when he got upset.

"Trust me, we're all pretty upset. I just think we're all confused right now. This kinda came outta nowhere, and we can't exactly get angry at 'em when he's like that." Raph reasons.

"Yeah, he looked pretty roughed up. I don't even think I've seen him bleed before." Leo adds.

Donnie closes his eyes, feeling an uneasy wave of emotions wash over him. His feelings became confusing, making him feel both intense anger, and sympathy.

He rips his shoulder away from Raph's hand, exhaling. "I don't trust him. He's planning some trick." He insists. "He has to be. I know you guys know what I'm taking about." He turns to look at them, and does so just in time to see them share a glance.

They both nod.

"But, I mean, we've never seen Splinter do _that_ before. Did you see how gentle he was with Draxum? It seemed like he was genuinely concerned." Leo held his hands up in front of him. "Which- first of all, being that way towards _Draxum_ is way weird." He points out, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, I didn't know him suddenly asking for help would make pops do some complete three-sixty." Raph adds.

"One-eighty, you mean." Donnie corrects.

Leo lets out a snort. "Mikey must've really said something that made dad change his mind."

Donnie had a sarcastic quip on his tongue, but as he opened his mouth, Mikey scampered back into the living room, catching his other brother's full attention just from how panicked he looked.

"Donnie, you have to come help him! I don't think it can wait until morning!" He says, clearly worried.

"What do you mean?"

"He's bleeding real bad. Splinter thinks he was stabbed, but we don't really know." His words were quick, features etched with worry.

Donnie felt his stomach churn, letting out a sigh.

He couldn't say no.

This wasn't for Baron. Not at all.

He was angry at Baron.

He wanted him to hurt.

But, Mikey didn't. And if Mikey didn't, Donnie didn't either.

He'd do anything for his brothers, that was an undeniable fact. Even if he could be rude or snarky sometimes, at the end of the day, his brothers well-being was above all.

"Alright, fine." He nods, following Mikey back into the infirmary. He still had a firm, tense grip on his tech-bo.

"Purple, look at this." Splinter said, setting down the robe Baron had been in when he arrived on the table by the bed. It had been all tattered anyway. He really needed new clothes.

It was just like Mikey had said, Baron had been stabbed, and more than once. Though, the confirmation of that information wasn't easy to get out of the sheep mutant.

Eventually, he told them what happened. He was ambushed by some mutants for the bounty placed on his head, and there was quite a lot to gain from turning him in.

But, Donnie knew they couldn't do that.

Mikey would never let anyone even attempt it, as much as Donnie wanted Baron to pay for what he'd done, and for what he had caused. All the pain, all the suffering. All the sleepless nights, or the nights Donnie had to stay up tending to injuries his other brothers had gotten in battle.

Battles against the very thing Baron had released. That he _still_ hadn't apologized for.

Donnie's eyes caught on a deep scar running across his younger brother's shoulder. Something he had gotten fighting Shredder.

And Baron didn't care. But Mikey still loved Baron regardless, and he didn't deserve it.

The thought caused him to tug roughly on the gauze he was wrapping around Baron's waist, getting an angry snarl of pain from the mutant.

"Careful, Dee." Mikey says worriedly from where he was standing next to him.

Donnie doesn't say anything, just tied the gauze off.

"Okay, that's all. He should be good for now." It was late when he finally finishes. He was sure Leo and Raph had already finished what they'd been doing, before they had gotten interrupted, and went to bed. Splinter had already long since headed to bed. He had tapped out when he first began tending to him.

"You should get to bed." Donnie says, looking at Mikey, who was focused on Baron.

Baron didn't say so much as a thank you, just rolled over.

Donnie didn't really care, he was sure a thank you would only piss him off more.

He didn't want any thanks from _him._

"Will he be okay until morning?" His little brother asked, looking back at him.

Donnie raised an eyebrow, then sighed softly. "He'll be okay. I promise. I took my time and made sure to do it right."

That seems to reassure Mikey enough, because he then nods, walking with Donnie out of the Med-Bay.

On their way out, Donnie hits a small button near the door that triggers the safety protocol he'd set up not too long ago, and thank god for that.

A stronger door, nearly impenetrable, that slid in place behind the entrance.

That would ensure Baron couldn't get out and try to hurt any of his brothers, or his dad, while they were asleep.

Maybe it was an overreaction, considering he could barely make it to the Med Bay without help, but it helped ease his worry regardless.

Mikey turns to him as they're about to part ways to go into their own rooms, pulling him into a hug.

"Thank you. I know you didn't want to help him." He murmurs.

Donnie looks down at him, then returns the hug. He didn't know what to say, so he only lets the small silence drag out before he pulls away.

"Get some sleep, okay? You've been up to late."

Mikey looks up at him, then nods, smiling. "G'night, Dee!"

"Night."

As Donnie is in his room that night, battle shell put away, bandana off, he can't help but get a dreaded feeling that over comes him.

One that tells him their lives were about to change forever.

He was right about that thought, even if he brushed it off as he climbed into bed.

There was an uneasy feeling through the house the next day.

Donnie was sprawled out on the armchair, his tablet rested in his lap. Leo and Raph had pushed the two beanbag chairs together in front of the TV so they could play video games together.

Mikey, however, hadn't joined them. He would sit down for brief moments, but was obviously antsy, fidgeting around everytime he sat down, then moments later would get up again.

He was constantly going in and out of the Med-Bay, even after Leo told him to take it easy and Raph advised giving Draxum some space and time alone so he could rest.

But, they only _advised._ They never really stopped him.

Mikey had gone in at breakfast time, offering Baron food that he refused. Then tried again only an hour later.

Then at lunch time once more.

He had attempted a few more times, and at his latest attempt his brother's heard a commotion coming from the Med-Bay.

"I don't want your food! Get _out!_ "

It was obviously Draxum's voice, and seconds later there was the sound of crashing glass, then Mikey came scampering into the living room.

All their heads turned towards their younger brother, and Donnie jumped up from the armchair, with Raph by his side within mere milliseconds.

Mikey looked shaken up, eyes a little watery, it seemed. There was a scratch on the top of his hand, one that made Donnie's blood boil.

"What happen'd?" Raph asked, examining the scratch.

"Did he try and maul you or somethin'?" Leo had paused their game, turning to face him.

"He, uh-" Mikey began, obviously shaken up. "I don't think he's hungry."

Donnie shared a sigh with Raph.

"Can't say we didn't tell you so." He muttered.

"Yeah, stay outta there for a while."

To their surprise, he didn't object to that.

He didn't even attempt to, taking a seat in one of the spare beanbags instead. He watched Leo and Raph play, gaining his usual hyperactive spunk back in the form of heckling Leo or shouting encouragements at Raph.

Donnie stayed in the armchair, his attention turned towards the screen of his tablet, only throwing occasional glances over at his brothers when they got partially loud.

He could become content with the fact Draxum was still there when the attention was taken off of him, but of course, he couldn't avoid even the mere thought of him for long.

"Red, would you bring Draxum supper?" Splinter spoke as they were eating supper later that night, with Donnie scowling through his bite of pizza.

Raph looked to Splinter, a mix of both surprise and brief hesitation on his face, before he nodded, moving to fix a plate for him.

"What do sheep guys eat?" He called as he entered the kitchen, popping his head out from the entrance.

"Oh, so we're feeding him now?" Donnie remarks, leaving Raph's question unanswered. He's looking at the small mutant rat from where he was sitting, crossed legged, in the armchair. He sets his plate in his lap, crossing his arms.

Splinter keeps his calm demeanor, though there was a tense edge between his brows.

"We will not let him starve in our care. He probably hasn't eaten in a while, considering he hasn't eaten since he got here, and who knows when his last meal was before that."

Donnie crossed arms become tensed, and he can feel Leo and Mikey looking at him.

Everyone had their fair share of grievances with Baron Draxum, even if Mikey was so quick to forgive him.

Ever since they found out Baron had literally _made_ them, Mikey had seemingly opened his heart, especially with how much he'd lost to the armor. Donnie could recall the countless amount of times he'd refered to Baron as family since then. He still believed Baron could change. That deep down Baron was a good person.

Leo and Raph were a bit different, both in the sense that Baron being the one who created them meant nothing. But, it was clear Mikey's insistence had started to warm their hearts up to him, too. Raph was quick to accept Baron as part of the family.

Donnie, however, was different. Shredder had nearly killed him and his brothers multiple times, and Shredder was all _Baron's_ fault. The blood would be on his hands. That doesn't even account for the fact Baron had tried to kill them himself, seeing them as nothing more than a failed experiment.

A failed experiment he hated so much he'd rather them be dead.

Everytime Donnie had to tend to a wound on his brother's that was caused by Baron's greed, his hatred for the Yōkai grew.

Even if it wasn't Baron who hurt them directly, it was still his fault. Every injury from Shredder was one that would've been from Baron himself if the Dark Armor had actually worked.

"Maybe he should go hungry for a bit. I think he deserves it. He hit Mikey earlier for trying to feed him."

"Do not be cruel, Purple. We will not stoop to his level." Splinter disparagingly, eyebrow twitching. "Now, you will go with Red to check up on him. We do not want him getting worse. I want to know how bad his injuries are as well."

Donnie sputters, opening his mouth to give a sharp retort of defiance only to be cut off.

"One thing at a time please! We can unpack the family issues later, we haven't even fed the guy yet!" Raph shouts for the kitchen.

Donnie gives a disgruntled huff, and for once doesn't give a sarcastic remark, just picks up his plate and gets up.

He heads for the kitchen, setting his plate down on the counter.

"Okay, now, whadda sheep dudes eat?" His older brother looks over at him from where he's currently standing in front of the opened fridge. "Probably, like, lettuce or somethin', right?"

Donnie stands next to Raph, looking into the fridge. He thinks for a moment before he speaks. "No, he had fangs. He's probably an omnivore or primarily a carnivore." He concludes.

"Uh, ight, pizza?"

"Mikey tried that, didn't he?"

Raph hums, scratching the side of his head in thought. "Alright, I got nothin'."

Donnie opens the freezer, scoping out it's contents.

He reaches in, then pulls out a box of fish sticks. He silently looks over at Raph, cocking an eyebrow.

He eyes the box, then takes it with a shrug. "It's wortha shot."

Donnie didn't have high hopes Baron would actually eat it, and some parts of him didn't really care if he did or not, and other parts of him did.

Whether that was _actually_ for Baron's sake or instead for Mikey's well-being, he didn't know.

Raph sticks the fish sticks in the microwave, then they're on they're way.

Donnie pushes the door to the Med-Bay open with his forearm, watching Baron raise his head in their direction.

Silently, Raph approaches him with the plate.

Donnie walks to grab the case he kept the medical supplies in, seeing the glass plate shattered across the floor along with whatever food had been on it.

Lettuce, it had seemed.

He sighs, then walks in Baron's direction.

Baron is just staring at the food, lips drawn up in a snarl.

"Stop. Just eat it." Donnie grumbles, like he was scolding a child, as he unlatches the case.

It seemed Baron finally let his hunger take over, snatching the plate from Raph.

"Will you eat that?"

There's no response, but Baron does take a hesitant bite, then begins ravenously scarfing it down. That answers Raph's question.

While Baron finishes off the food, Donnie began undoing the gauze around his abdomen.

"So, what happened?" Raph asks, watching Baron's face wrinkle up.

He sets the plate aside, blowing a huff out of his nose. 

Donnie raised an eyebrow, looking up from where he'd been unwrapping the bloody gauze.

"What do _you_ think happened? Are you too stupid to put it together?" Baron snarls at Raph.

This draws Donnie to respond, almost like he was defending his brother. "Oh, is the brilliant warring warrior alchemist too _embarrassed_ to admit he got beat by some no-named mutants?" Donnie mocked, something that would surely get under his skin, and by how his lips curled up in a snarl, it had.

Donnie ignored this, instead taking out the disinfectant. "What happened, Raph, is that Draxum got attacked by some mutants looking to trade him in for the cash reward."

"Woah, really?"

Baron gives a _very_ aggressive nod.

Raph has his eyebrows raised, but he doesn't say anything. Probably because he doesn't want to further agitate him.

Donnie finishes tending to his wounds in complete silence, with Raph peaking over his shoulder the whole time.

"It looks like nothing's _too_ deep," Donnie observes as he's putting up the supplies, "which means you should heal up quickly. I'm guessing the only reason you showed up in such a bad state last night is because they caught you at a bad time, right? They clearly knew you were weak-"

"Baron Draxum is _not_ weak!" The Yōkai interrupts with an incensed snarl.

Donnie sighed loudly. "- _in that moment_." He finishes. "Guess I was right." He mutters, then sighs. "Anyway, you should be fine in a couple days. You might be sore, but otherwise, you're fine."

Baron gives a gruff snort, then turns around, his back facing them.

"Ight, well, I guess we should go tell Splinter." Raph says, looking at Donnie, who just nods to the door.

"You go, I'm gonna clean up the glass. It shouldn't take long."

His older brother nods, taking his que to leave.

Donnie shuffles around the Med-Bay, putting things back in their place, then cleans the glass up off the ground.

All the while, Baron doesn't so much as acknowledge that he's even there, just stays curled in on himself.

It seems so pathetic to Donnie.

Baron Draxum was supposed to be this fearless, unstoppable enemy. The one who was going to wipe out the human race.

Now here he was, mopping about in the Med-Bay in the home of the same turtles he was trying to kill for so long

Donnie hopes he wouldn't stay long, and he's eager to get answer from Splinter on just how long his stay would be.

He doesn't get one for a while, because it seemed like Splinter was determined to drag it out for as long as possible. It's an excruciatingly long wait to Donnie, even if it had really been no more than a week at most.

Until finally, _finally_ , Donnie was told to go get Baron from the Med-Bay.

"What happens to me?" Baron asks, walking in front of Donnie, because like _hell_ would Donnie let Baron walk _behind_ him when he doesn't have his battle-shell on.

"Not up to me. Splinter decides. If it _was_ , I would've thrown you out days ago." Donnie answers bluntly.

Mikey, of course, vouched for Baron to stay, because _he's learned from his mistakes_ and _he wasn't going to do it again_ , and that _Baron was family, they can't kick him out._

Raph didn't object, and Leo hadn't either. Leo obviously wasn't ecstatic, but he didn't really object. His sly comments showed he obviously wasn't that bent out of shape about it, though.

Donnie, however, was different. He _did_ object. Though, he wasn't nearly as argumentative about it as he could've been. The contentment from all three of his brothers diluted any of the aggression that he would've come at the situation with.

His gaze met Splinter's as he went silent, obviously thinking very intensely about the decision.

And, much to Donnie's dismay, the answer finally came in the form of a somewhat hesitant whisper.

"He can stay."

Mikey gave an excited shout, running to give Baron a hug.

Baron growled, seeming put-off, but didn't push Mikey away.

Donnie's eyes stretched wide, mouth opened in shock.

Though, he could've seen this coming from a mile away. And he _had_ , hadn't he? The longer the decision had been drawn out. The more time Mikey spent with the alchemist. The more resentment, although still very much there, that seemed to leave his dad with each passing day.

So why did it feel like he'd just pulled two hundred feet under torturously frigid water?

His hands turned to fists, biting down so hard onto his tongue that the faint taste of copper began making itself known in his mouth.

Silently, he turned around, making his way back to his room. He can feel all his brother's eyes following him, watching him go, but he doesn't turn around, and they don't stop him.

He wished Baron would've made it easier for all of them and just left on his own accord. Why did he accept the offer to stay? If he hated them so much, why is he staying?

Donnie felt the frustration mount, exploding into an angry yell in his room. It was sound proof, so he didn't hesitate to seethe, angry growls coming from clenched teeth as he paced.

He was really going to have to deal with seeing Baron everyday. Of seeing Mikey show him love he didn't deserve. Baron was about to make him feel like he was walking on egg shells in his own _home_.  
  
His furious pacing ended with him pulling on a pink and purple sweater from his wardrobe and sneaking out of the lair, not saying a word to anyone.

He didn't have any real plans on where he was going to go. The frustration just mounted into restless energy, and he had to get out of the lair before he suffocated in it.

So, he did, walking out into the cool night air with no clue as to where he was even going.

So, he went to the only person he could think of.

He climbs the stairs winding around the building, using every ledge he could to make his way up until he was positive he was face to face with April's window.

Three quick raps on the glass window was enough to get April's attention.

She pulls open her window without Donnie having to even wait a full minute.

"Donnie? Wha-"

"You're not going to believe what Splinter did!"

April raised her eyebrows, and she was obviously asleep moments earlier. There's a small twitch in her brow, but she steps aside and gestures for Donnie to come in.

They end up on her couch, the TV playing rerun after rerun of old horror classics Donnie hasn't bothered paying attention to.

April has just been listening while Donnie had been ranting, face red with disgruntled rage.

She's holding onto one of his hands, balancing a bottle of black nail polish on her knee while her other hand paints one of his nails.

He doesn't know how they got there exactly, he was too busy whisper-yelling about the events of the past week.

"Not to mention Draxum hasn't _once_ \- oh, I don't know, apologized? But they just forgive him! Because Mikey thinks he's a good guy!" He's absentmindedly throwing his free hand around, being careful of the still drying nail polish on his nails.

"I'm kinda surprised Splinter let him stay, considering the whole. .turning him into a rat thing." April comments absentmindedly as she dips the brush back into the nail polish.

"That's what I thought! I don't even know why Draxum wanted to stay anyway, considering he's said so many times that he didn't even want to be there. Which makes me think he's _definitely_ planning something, right? Like, he _has_ to be."

April just lets him rant, offering small nods and hums of agreement. He's obvious running on fumes and all his thoughts must be moving way too fast for him to even begin calming down on his own.

He needed to just get it all out, and April was very accustomed to that fact. So, she just let him.

"And I know Mikey said something to Splinter, there's no _way_ Splinter would be doing any of this if he hadn't. I mean, from all the times Splinter has literally referred to Draxum as his sworn mortal enemy it seems a little counterintuitive to let him stay in your _home_ with all of your _sons_ \- whom of which he could easily assassinate at any given moment!" His voice rises in tone, becoming unkept.

April smiles with mirth, bringing a finger to her lips. "Keep the volume down, Dee." She scolds without any real bite to it.

She closes the bottle of nail polish, leaving Donnie to rest his hands on his knees while he waits for his nails to dry. He's got a grumpy, disgruntled look on his face, even as he leans his head onto April's shoulder.

"Do you really think he'd try to kill any of you guys? I mean, you are giving him a home, after all. I'm pretty sure the whole Dark-Armor consumed-his-life-force situation humbled him." She points out. "He seemed humbled when I was over."

Donnie huffs. "But you didn't _speak_ to him. It's just- gah! It's just so infuriating." He's tensed and was rearing for a fight, it seemed. It _did_ take all his willpower not to explode at his dad and- second dad?

April pulls her knees up, resting them against Donnie's side as both their eyes went to Carrie currently playing on the TV.

He would probably end up staying the night, even if he hadn't told his dad or brothers that he would be. He seemed almost too frustrated to even consider informing anyone of his whereabouts.

 _Eventually_ , he knew someone would figure out he'd left.

His phone chimes when him and April were back in her room. She was laying down on her bed looking at something on her phone, while Donnie was seated at her desk.

They were simply enjoying each other's company while they did their own thing.

**2:45 | [Dumbbell Raphael] : yo man whered u go?**

He taps a black finger nail against the desk.

**2:46 | [Main Man Donatello] : April's.**

**2:47 | [Dumbbell Raphael] : something tells me ur upset**

**2:47 | [Main Man Donatello] : Oh totally not at all. Definitely not.**

**2:48 | [Dumbbell Raphael] : :(**

**2:48 | [Dumbbell Raphael] : im sensing some sarcasm**

**2:49 | [Main Man Donatello] : Oh definitely not at ALL. Whatever gave you THAT impression?**

**2:50 | [Main Man Donatello] : It's not like our dad let a war criminal move in with us even though he's tried to kill us MULTIPLE times and also unleased the SHREDDER who's ALSO tried to kill us.**

**2:51 | [Main Man Donatello] : Who hasn't even tried to apologize, might I add.**

He's getting himself worked up again, and April can probably tell with how quick and rough his typing was.

Raph doesn't respond right away, so after a minute of waiting, Donnie just sets the phone down.

Now he's riled up again, and as he turns around, he sees April as fallen asleep, phone still in her hand.

He feels the faint trace of guilt setting in at the sight.

He should learn not to bother her at night.

He makes a note to make up for it in some way that doesn't have to do with explicitly saying sorry. He always found it difficult to say sorry.

For now, he just crossed his arms on the desk, laying his head atop them. His eyes signal in on a small cat pen laying on April's desk, and from there he lets himself zone out and left his mind to wander.

Distantly, he feels Mayhem hop up into his lap. He doesn't move, but one hand moves down to gently pet her. It eases some of the bustling emotions bouncing around in his head.

He waits for a chime, but soon that becomes an afterthought, and even sooner the waiting causes Donnie to finally doze off, his eyes closing and the tension in his body recedes.

The peace felt nice after being on edge the whole week, and Donnie reveled in it, even unconscious.

Though, of course, he wouldn't be able to for long.

_ThumpThumpThump_

Donnie opens his eyes, gaze blurry. He distantly hears the sound of the window creaking open, which causes him to sit up.

He can see a figure there, and he immediately grows tense, until the figure speaks.

"Donnie." The figure hisses.

"Raph?" He stands, tilting his head at his brother. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm, uh, here to talk to you. Can we talk? Please?"

Donnie closes his eyes, his eyebrows drawing together. He takes a moment to give an annoyed grumble under his breath, then sighs.

He'll just send April a text in the morning.

For now, he snatches his phone off the table, then nudges Raph out the window, watching him jump down to the ground.

He exits after him, though takes the time to shut April's window before he jumps down to the ground with him.

"So, you're still upset?"

"I thought we already established that." Donnie crosses his arms, looking at his older brother, who obviously looked worried about him.

It almost irritated him. He's not a kid who needs his older brother to look after him anymore. But, as much as it irritates him, it's just as comforting. He craved comfort right now.

Raph sighs a little, walking with Donnie down the alleyway and onto the sidewalk.

That's when he looked up to the roof. "We should probably get somewhere higher, just to be safe."

Donnie nods. "That'd be smarter."

As Raph scales up the building, Donnie holds onto the back of his shell, allowing himself to be basically carried up instead of having to climb up himself.

He didn't have his battle shell on, and doing anything labor intensive without it was always some sort of a struggle, so he wouldn't really complain with having to ride on the back of Raph's shell.

All of his brothers knew that the fact his shell was weaker was a sensitivity with him. He hated being babied because of it almost as much as he hated the extra challenges it provided. He hated being seen as weaker, or being treated like he was more fragile than the rest.

In the beginning, before Donnie had invented the battle shell, they didn't _really_ treat him any differently explicitly. They never said a word about him having to be more careful or cautious than them. At least never directly to his face. But, Donnie always knew they were thinking it.

Whenever they had roughhoused it was obvious they all were more gentle with Donnie then they had been with each other. Or would take up the more dangerous tasks and leave Donnie with the easier, safer ones. They'd very subtly try to keep him out of harms way as much as possible, and even though it worked, it took a tole on Donnie mentally.

He got irritable with them, even though he knew it wasn't their fault. They just wanted him to be safe.

That hadn't been an issue ever since he invented the battle shell, however.

Donnie lets go as Raph makes it to the top, dusting himself off a bit.

Now they could talk without too much fear of being seen by a human.

"So, did you just want to get me back home?" Donnie asks. "I was just going to stay the night. I would've been back in the morning. It wasn't really that big of a deal." He goes over to the edge of the building, sitting down as his legs dangled above the streets below.

There's a moment where nothing happens. Not a single word is said and the only thing that could be heard was the faint howling of the wind. Then Raph is sitting besides him.

"I was just worried."

Donnie gives a sarcastic snort. "Don't be." He rests his elbow on his knee, leaning his chin onto his palm.

He's waiting for Raph to say something, but he doesn't. They're just left in an uncomfortable silence while both avoid looking at each other.

Donnie hates that the whole situation with Baron is creating a divide between him and his brothers.

Though, he knows it's his own fault. 

He took his anger out on his brothers as much as he did Baron, but with Baron it was more of an in-your-face anger. With his brothers, it was shown through silence and snotty, irritable attitudes.

And that wasn't really fair, was it? It wasn't their fault. Not at all. They wanted to help their dad. They just had a kind heart and were able to forgive, while it was harder for Donnie to do so. And that wasn't their fault.

Really, he should've been taking it all out on Draxum. He was the person he was actually mad at. And he was mad at him for everything he'd done to his brothers, so why is he doing this to them?

He feels knuckles nudge his shoulder, getting him to look over at Raph.

He had a juice box in his hand that he was offering to him.

Donnie gave him a quizzical look, though took the juice box from his hand. It was still cold.

"What's this?" He asked, even though he _knew_ what it was. It was more of a way to ask _what's this for? why are you giving this to me?_ without saying it.

"Juice box." Raph answered simply. "I don't know- I thought you'd want it, so I brought one for you. I thought it'd make you feel better."

Donnie knows that he's probably waiting for him to get annoyed at the fact Raph had to go into his lab to get it, but he _wasn't._

Donnie takes a moment to look at it, then he sighs, his shoulders dropping. "I probably didn't make this any easier on your guys by acting like this." He fiddles with the plastic encasing the small straw, a faint crinkling noise filling in the pauses between words.

Raph's eyebrows pull together a little. "Forget all that right now. Tell me what's been bothering you, man."

He stays quiet as he rips the straw from the back of the box, albeit a bit too roughly, removing the plastic around it. "What's there to say?" He pokes the straw through the hole of the juice box, looking out over the expanse of New York as he drank from it.

"Probably a lot. You haven't really _talked_ to anyone in a while, and I can tell there's been a lot on your mind. So, talk about it." His older brother encourages. "It's just us here. I won't tell the other guys what you tell me." He adds, probably to reassure any lingering hesitation that Donnie always had when talking about his feelings

He doesn't remember the last time him and Raph had sat down and just talked to each other.

He inhales deeply, then exhales. Finally, he speaks after a sip from the juice box. "It's just- _frustrating_ that we're helping him. He hasn't even apologize for hurting anyone, or for _Shredder_." He clutches the box a little tighter, distressing images of post-fight injuries and his brothers fearful faces filling his head.

"Do you remember one of the last fights we had with Shredder? When Mikey got really hurt?" He asked, looking towards Raph, who nods.

"Who could forget?"

"Exactly! I've never seen Mikey so scared, and he was crying so hard I just-" He sucks in a deep breath, trying to keep his train of thought on track. He exhales, takes a sip, then continues.

"That was _Draxum's_ fault in my mind, because Mikey wouldn't have gotten hurt if he hadn't unleased Shredder. Everything Shredder had done was Draxum's fault in my eyes. I don't have a single doubt that if the Dark Amor hadn't been a trick, he would've used it to kill us." He looks away again, face scrunching up a bit. "He hadn't even _looked_ sorry for any of it when he saw us."

"And Mikey just- forgave him. You all did, even though he hurt you all so much. I can't get what he's done out of my head, or all the things he said." He scrunched up his nose bitterly. "He saw us as nothing more than a failed science experiment. He wanted to _kill_ us. Nothing about that seems very fatherly to me, I don't know what " _good_ " Mikey sees."  
  
He narrows his eyes, a dreaded lump forming in his throat. "And when Shredder ripped through my battle shell. .and _hit_ my actual shell. ." He added quietly, bringing a hand over his shoulder to gently touch over the faint scars hidden by the sweater. "I thought I was going to die right then. I don't remember ever being _that_ scared before." He doesn't want to cry. The mere thought makes him feel uncomfortable, but his eyes well up with tears anyway. "And when Mikey was hurt that night ." He shakes his head, not wanting to continue. "It was awful. Everything was so awful." He took a sip from the juice box, biting down anxiously on the straw. He's surprised at how much he's saying, but it's all tumbling out of his mouth now that he feels safe enough to be this vulnerable. A rare sight.

His eyes are still watering, but he's trying his best to keep his face stone cold. Completely void of any emotions, even as a couple tears make their way down his face. "So, yeah, whatever. Obviously I still have some issues with Draxum." He mumbled around the straw in his mouth, and as more tears flood down his face, he slams the box down onto the rooftop.

He won't look over at Raph, because he doesn't want to see the expression he knows would be on his face. His eyebrows would be pulled together and his eyes would be consumed with sympathy, probably an added dash of concern at the fact Donnie was _crying_.

God, what was wrong with him? He wasn't the one to cry. Not at all.

Yet, here he was.

It had all built up. The fear from his own run in with Shredder mixed in dangerously with all the worry he'd had for his brothers. From the times he tended to their wounds or consoled them from their own hurt and fear. It was just all building up.

He didn't know why learning about Draxum's hatred for them hurt so much. That Draxum wanted them gone and only saw them as an obstacle that got in his way. A failed experiment. Nothing more.

Why should he even care? He had convinced himself for a while that he didn't care, but he does.

It _hurts_.

And Mikey still considered him _family._

Their second father.

 _Real_ fathers don't do this to their kids. And Draxum doesn't deserve their forgiveness or their love.

_Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop crying._

He felt a tear drop hit his thigh, and the stone cold look on his face was breaking, showing the months of built up emotions.

_Stop crying, you fucking idiot._

He felt his shoulders hitch, and his back hunched over as he covered his face with his hands like he was protecting himself from something.

It seemed him internally yelling at himself to stop only made him cry harder.

He'd never live this down, would he?Raph would mock and taunt him with it for the rest of his life.

Only, instead of some mocking remark, he feels Raph pull him into a somewhat awkward side hug, squeezing him tight.

He says only two words.

"It's okay."

The rest of Donnie's restraint to push it all down falls away, and he allows the months of repressed emotions to finally be let out. He lets himself cry without forcing it all down.

For the first time, in a long time, he just lets himself feel the pain without shaming himself or manifesting it into anger instead.

He turns, wrapping his arms around Raph as he cried into his plastron, allowing himself to just _feel_ for a moment.

He hoped it all made sense to Raph. About _why_ exactly it all had bothered him more than it did them. He knew they didn't consider Shredder Draxum's fault. Because it truly _wasn't_ , was it? Draxum was betrayed, after all.

But he was still about to use the Dark Armor to hurt them and hundreds upon hundreds of others, and in Donnie's head he resented him for even attempting it. Even if it didn't work, he _wanted_ to do it.

Raph stays quiet, letting Donnie cry for a moment without interrupting, which is exactly what Donnie needs in that moment.

Of course, Donnie couldn't really have that for long.

"Heyo!" Leo's voice calls, hopping up onto the opposite side of the roof. "You didn't tell me you snuck out. Are you and Donnie having some bonding moment or something?" He says it as a joke, completely unaware to exactly what had been transpiring.

Raph turns around, glaring holes through Leo as Donnie immediately turns his back to him, wiping his eyes frantically to remove any traces of his vulnerability. Probably because he _knew_ Leo would mock him for it.

A sniffle from Donnie seems to confirm Leo's joke as a reality, his eyebrows raising. "Woah, what's with the water works, Donnie?"

" _Leo_ , now is really not the time for your one liners." Raph gruffs as Leo approaches, squatting behind Donnie, the blunt blade of his ödachi resting against his shoulder.

Donnie looks behind at Leo, who seems to show genuine concern. Instead of answering Leo's question, he looks at his ödachi. "Why'd you bring your weapon?" He grumbles, acting like he hadn't just been crying moments prior.

"Uh, because danger lurks around every corner, duh." Leo answers, standing for only a brief second so he could sit on Donnie's other side, legs dangling over the edge. "All I knew was Raph was gone and you snuck out, so I thought I'd come see what's up. So, what's up? Why were you crying?"

Donnie shook his head, crossing his arms. "I wasn't crying." He denies, like the lie would even be believed for a second. He says it with his whole chest, however, like he himself wants to believe it.

Leo raises an eyebrow, then looks at Raph. When their eyes meet, it's apparent he's thinking, ponding over whether to tell Leo the truth or keep his promise to Donnie to have it stay between them.

He ends up not saying a word to Leo, they only have silent exchange of words through a glance before back at Donnie, who's very obviously holding back tears.

Raph throws an arm around him, and Donnie's resolve breaks, closing his eyes as he resumes his well-needed cry, preparing himself for Leo's taunting comments.

But, as with Raph, that doesn't happen.

Leo stares at him for a moment, obviously concerned and worried, before he follows Raph's example and wraps an arm around his shoulders, giving his purple-clad twin a comforting squeeze.

Donnie, who was nearing the point of mental exhaustion, finally gives into the unexpected comfort now given to him by his brothers, crying away the many months of repressed emotions he'd been trying so hard to run away from, and finally trying to come to terms with the hurt and anger he was feeling over the whole Baron situation.

Of course, as much as that night let Donnie get rid of some of that pain, it also caused some. He feels stupid when he recalls that night. He cringes at his own vulnerability.

And everytime he passed by Draxum, or Draxum passed by him, he can feel Leo or Raph's eyes dart to his face, probably trying to pick up on any emotions he might convey through his facial expression.

Though, Donnie always kept a stone face. He might scowl a little, scrunching up his nose, but he never showed anything more than that. But he didn't have to, because Leo and Raph already knew all of it.

Well, most of it.

They didn't know about the recurring nightmares, or the fact he'd gained a new ones ever since Draxum moved in. Ones that replayed in his head or repeated themselves when he finally was able to get some sleep.

It was always the same old' same old.

What if the Dark Armor hadn't been a trick and he was able to use its power?

What if Draxum finally got rid of them? His "failed experiments"?

Terrifying images from his nightmares would flash in his mind.

His brothers being hurt.

His home completely destroyed.

Blood pooling in all too-large amounts.

Donnie would be the last one alive. Always, everytime.

_Why was it always **him**?_

He'd have to go through his brothers' deaths and the destruction of his only home over and over again, and he wouldn't be able to do anything but cry out for his brothers or his dad or _anyone_ as Draxum sinisterly approached.

Then, it goes dark. It gets cold.

And that's when Donnie would jolt away, a sheen of seat covering his body as tears would fall down his chin.

Everyday he'd walk out and see Draxum's face, never making direct eye contact, and it would all come back. Flashes of distressing dreams replaying over and over until Donnie felt the air leave his lungs.

Then the resentment would fix in, and he would feel the intense anger build up again. He hurt his brothers, and he hurt him. He unleashed _Shredder_ and had the fucking nerve to not even apologize _once_ after they gave him a home.

Donnie couldn't even avoid him anymore, and the passing weeks had been the worst of his life. Not worse then the nights he'd have to patch up countless bloody wounds on his brothers, though.

He walks out of his room, taking a break from the project he'd been working on for nearly nine hours straight; a stronger, more tactical battle shell. He'd always been like that, staying cooped up in his room for ungodly amounts of time when he got invested in a project, unable to step away for long until he finishes it.

He usually got invested to that degree when he needed to distract himself from whatever he was feeling. And right now, he was feeling a lot.

All of his brothers were sitting in the living room, watching a Lou Jitsu movie they'd probably seen about a million times before.

Raph is on one beanbag and Leo is on another, both sprawled out with their eyes on the screen.

Mikey is sitting in Splinter's chair, who must be in his room sleeping, and in front of him-

Donnie grits his teeth.

Draxum is sitting in front of the chair on the floor, legs folded, with Mikey brushing out the tangles in his hair. He seems to be braiding it for him.

"Your dad was an incredible actor," He hears Draxum say, "and he fought just as skillfully in real life, too."

"I wish we could've seen him as Lou Jitsu. That would've been so cool." He hears Mikey respond, that familiar excited octave in his voice.

Donnie walks into the kitchen, aggressively grabbing a jasmine teabag and a bottle of honey out of the pantry. He sets a kettle of water on the stove, before moving to grab a mug from the cupboard.

"Ooooh, this is my favorite part! Dad, watch!" Mikey's voice can be heard, then the collective laughs from all four follow.

More specifically, _Draxum's_ laugh.

It probably shouldn't catch Donnie so off guard to hear Mikey call Draxum dad, and then hear them laugh with him. After all, he'd been the one to completely distance himself from Draxum, not even trying to form a relationship like they were. Of course they'd form that bond.

Still, Donnie hears ringing in his ears, and then the mug in his hand comes crashing down onto the floor, shattering into pieces.

Their laughing cuts off startlingly quick, their heads turning to look in the direction of the kitchen.

"You good, Donnie?" Leo calls.

Donnie snaps back to reality, though he was unsure as to why exactly it had taken him out of it in the first place. "Uh, yeah! Yeah. I just. .dropped my mug." That would no doubt come across as unusual, especially for him.

"Did you have a stroke or something?"

He kneels to pick up the glass with his hands, blowing out an angry puff of air. "No, I didn't have a fucking stroke." He snaps, taking up a mocking tone as he does. "It just slipped out of my hand."

Why did this make him so bitter?

It wasn't his brothers' fault he still refused to work on his relationship with Draxum, and it wasn't their fault that they could forgive him.

They didn't have those accompanying nightmares, and they hadn't decided to hold Draxum responsible for all of Shredder's actions.

Rationally, Donnie knew he'd have to make amends. Keeping himself distanced from Draxum, or his brothers, would only aid in making the divide between them greater. And that wouldn't help anything.

He cleans up the rest of the broken glass that's too small for him to pick up with his hands, discarding it into the trashcan.

He stood there, eyeing the broken glass for a few fleeting seconds longer before the whistle from the kettle called him over.

He got a new mug from the cupboard, setting the teabag in before pouring the scalding hot water into it.

As it steeps, he hears more laughter from his brothers, and Draxum.

It's just so odd, and it's the last thing Donnie ever thought he'd experience.

He's putting honey into his tea when he hears Mikey speak again.

"Here, look!"

"Oh my god, you-" Leo snickers.

"I think he looks better with his hair braided." Raph speaks up.

"You do _not_." Leo's sentence ends with a laugh, barely able to get the word out.

"Guys, stop!" Mikey whines. "You're embarrassing him!"

Donnie picks up his mug, making his way past the living room.

Draxum is holding up a mirror, inspecting himself in it. Just as Donnie had thought, his hair was neatly braided.

_When did Mikey even have the time to learn how to do that?_

His brothers are looking at him, awaiting his reaction zealously.

Donnie's back is facing them when Draxum finally speaks.

"I think it looks nice."

"Yeah!" Mikey cheered. "I told you guys he would like it but noo-"

Donnie kicks the door to his room closed with his foot, cutting off the rest of his sentence.

The grip he had on his mug was tight, knuckles being scorched against the hot glass from the way his fingers gripped the handle.

Some part of him, deep down, wished he could be apart of that.

He just couldn't rid himself of the negative emotions.

Of the resentment.

Or the fear.

Or the hurt.

Donnie enters his lab, diving headfirst into his work once again, and soon he's able to drown out the world around him.

At least, for a moment.

"Okay, Donnie and Leo will go right, me and Mikey will go left and we'll circle back around and meet at the manhole." Raph instructs.

They're all out on patrol, currently standing on top of a building at the center of New York.

Raph was the one to encourage him to come with them, which Donnie didn't mind.

After all, he didn't want to avoid _them,_ and this was one of the only times they could all be together without Draxum around.

Plus, if they encountered anyone, it would be a good way to get out some of his pent up anger. He needed a good fight right now. 

They all gave curt nods, and just like that, Raph and Mikey were taking off in the opposite direction, hopping from rooftop to rooftop.

Donnie and Leo were less energetic in their pursuit.

Well, _Donnie_ was. Leo, on the other hand, was always one roof ahead of him.

Donnie didn't appear to be in much of a rush, though, so any of the usual annoyance he would have over Leo's antics wasn't there. In fact, he didn't really speak at all. Not every to tell Leo to slow down when he would get too far ahead.

Maybe the serve lack of goofing around was the reason they had returned back so quickly.

"Where's Raph and Mikey?" Leo asked as they jumped to the last rooftop they'd have to cross on the way back home.

"They're probably messing around." Donnie answered flatly, walking past Leo. He could feel his eyes following him, but he didn't so much as acknowledge it as he continued walking to the edge of the building.

This seems to give Leo the chance to finally call Donnie on his unusual behavior.

"Okay, why are you-"

"Wait, Leo, shush-"

"No, I-"

"I'm serious!" Donnie hissed in a hush whisper, crouching by the edge of the building like he was trying to avoid being seen by someone. "Come here. Look." He ushers, cocking his head towards the alley way.

Leo gave him a quizzical look but walked over anyway, crouching by his brother as they both looked into the alleyway.

There's two mutants standing around the manhole, murmuring in hushed tones amongst one another. So quiet, in fact, that Donnie and Leo could only pick up small bits and pieces of their conversation.

". .said Draxum escaped down here. ."

". .how much was it again?"

". .I'd say it's worth it. . ."

". .Draxum's not that strong anymore. . ."

They were mutants Donnie hadn't ever seen before. One mutant hog and the other a mutant rino of some sort.

"They're here looking for Draxum." Leo mutters obviously besides Donnie, looking over at him for a response.

He doesn't turn to meet his gase, instead keeping his eyes trained on the two mutants.

"What do we do?"

Donnie narrows his eyes as the hog starts lifting the manhole cover, staying quiet as he watched.

"Don?" Leo repeats after he says nothing.

Silently, Donnie twists the mid-point of his tech-bo. The top transforms into the blunt, bullet like tip Donnie had used many times before now.

This seemed like a good way to get his anger out.

Without saying a word, Donnie leaps over the edge, jumping down into the alleyway just as Leo yelled out his name, probably as an all-too-late attempt to stop him. Not like it would've worked.

Both mutants froze, heads snapping to look over in their direction because of the sudden explosion of noise.

Donnie lets out a shout, both hands gripping the handle of his tech-bo as he swings at the hog.

The hog drops the manhole cover with a loud clatter that echos through the alleyway, jumping back to narrowly avoid being struck.

The sledge-hammer tip of the tech-bo slams into the wall that was besides the hog's head, revealing a new, massive crater in the brick wall as Donnie pulls back.

He has his teeth clenched in a mix of rage and concentration, whipping around just as the rino charged at him. He landed a blow with his foot right in the center of his chest, knocking the large rino off balance. Taking his opportunity, Donnie swung his tech-bo, hitting him right under the jaw.

It sends him flying back, and the blood spattering into the air lets Donnie know he landed a good hit.

There's a rumbling yell behind him, turning sharply on his heel to see the hog now sprinting at him. He strikes the hog in the side with a swing of his tech-bo, sending him flying into the wall.

He spins around to aim another hit, but the hog stops it with his overly-muscular forearm, letting out a gruff snort as his forearm took all the anger Donnie had channeled into the hit.

He's able to push the tech-bo away, freeing himself from where the large mass of tech kept him trapped against the wall.

He takes his opportunity to dart away from Donnie's range, but it only aids in exposing a weak point.

Donnie charges forward, getting one last hit on his back that causes him to sprawl out across the ground.

The hog is back on his feet quickly, however, scrambling over to the rino, who was still on the ground. He ushers him up, and they both take off out of the alleyway the moment he's on his feet.

Donnie doesn't give chase, only stands there. He waits until he can't see their figures, then twists the mid-point of his tech-bo, returning it to it's normal tip.

His chest is heaving, body on a thrill with the adrenaline.

Behind him, Leo leaps down from the building.

"Woah, woah woah. What was that all about?"

Donnie turns around, twirling his tech-bo with his fingers so it rests more comfortably in his hand. "What? They were breaking in and I took care of it."

"Well, _yeah_ , but-" Leo stammers. "Raph is usually the punch-your-feelings-out-guy, you're the attack-with-a-plan type guy." He points out, then walks over to the crater Donnie had put in the wall. "And look at this! You were literally about to turn that guy's torso into a pancake!"

Donnie gives a dismissive scoff, looking at the crater like it was nothing but a mere crack.

"Now we have a giant hole in the wall right next to the lair!"

"Hey, I was aiming for him, not the wall. It's not like I meant to break it." Donnie mutters nonchalantly. "Besides the wall, those unknown mutants were trying to break into the lair. They know where Draxum is, and it looks like they were searching for him."

"Let's save that for when the others get here, can we talk about this?" Leo interjects, stopping Donnie from his obvious attempt to change the subject.

"What's there to talk about?"

"Uh, literally what _just_ happened." He sheaths his ödachi, taking a step towards Donnie. "Not to mention the obvious, but you were pretty ruthless when you attacked them, considering the hole in the wall."

Donnie looks at Leo, trying to keep his expression looking flat and annoyed. Deep down, though, his fight or flight had just been activated and he knows how this is about to go. He crossed his arms, shrugging silently as a response, hopping he would just leave it at that.

"C'mon, what's wrong, man?" Leo prodded, but he's not doing it to purposely provoke him, and he's not upset with him, either. He's concerned.

Donnie only raises an eyebrow as a silent way to say _take a guess, what do you think?_

"Right, obviously I know _what's_ wrong, but. ." He trails off, obviously trying decide on what to say. Unlike with Raph, it was different having a heart-to-heart with Leo. They didn't really get into their emotions with each other. Though, neither would refuse the comfort if given it from the other.

Still, it was difficult for them to pour their hearts out to each other, which is probably why Leo was having so much trouble trying to instigate that kind of conversation.

But the fact he was even trying had Donnie almost taken aback.

"It's fine," he dismisses with a shrug, "I'll get over it."

Leo ignores that attempt to dismiss his confrontation. "Okay, I know you're a smart guy and yada-yada-yada, but you're literally _terrible_ with your feelings. I know this about you." He bluntly calls him out, crossing his arms. "You won't just get over it."

Donnie huffs, like he's annoyed. but he's not. Not _really._

He knows Leo's right, and he's currently offering Donnie a chance to let his guard down and talk about it.

And talking about it was something Donnie _wanted_. He _wanted_ to let that burden go. He _wanted_ to be reassured and comforted.

He didn't want to keep digging himself in deeper and deeper into that hole where he lashed out at everyone who cared because he was upset and angry at one thing in particular. Well, upset at many things, really. But not his _family_.

But he shouldn't do this now, should he? There's more important things to care about. Certainly things more important than whatever was bothering him.

As he goes to respond, not knowing exactly whether an honest answer or a lie was about to come out of his mouth, he hears familiar voices filling the alleyway.

"But did you see that pigeon? It had a donut in it's mouth, and I got a pic! We're totally gonna go viral!" Mikey's excited squeal proclaimed, practically bouncing besides Raph, who shared his same excited energy in the way he walked.

That was until they got closer to Leo and Donnie, who didn't react the way they usual would.

It was especially unusual coming from _Leo_ of all people.

"What's wrong? You both look so serious." Raph comments as they go to stop in front of them.

Mikey doesn't give them time to respond, because he lets out a loud gasp. "The wall!" He gestures to the giant new crater now in the wall. "What happened?"

Donnie's eyebrow twitches, throwing his hands up. "Nothing! God, why are you guys so worried over a stupid wall?" He snaps, a dead giveaway that something was _obviously fucking wrong_.

All his brothers look at him, with Raph raising an eyebrow, giving him such a quizzical look that made him feel like he could see right through him. See everything he was hiding as if he was transparent.

He felt like a corner animal, now finally facing his brothers all at once.

"There were some mutants trying to break into the lair looking for Draxum. I stopped them. That's why the wall's like that." He purposely left out big, important chunks of information, hoping his quick thinking would be enough to deter the scorching gazes of suspicion and concern coming from his brothers.

Alas, however, Leo just couldn't have that.

"Because Donnie was on _kill_ mode when he attacked them. Something is still wrong with him, obviously. I know we talkdx to him about it the night Draxum was allowed to stay but he's _obviously still_ not alright." Leo is talking more at Raph, who keeps switching his gaze between the blue and purple twins, but Mikey listens to every word, chiming in with little words that go ignored.

"Shut up! Nothing's wrong, I'm fine! I just got a little carried away, is that suddenly a reason for you guys to be freaking out about it?" It's funny, really. Because he's the only one starting to freak out.

The way they look at him makes him feel uncomfortably aware of that.

"Stop saying you're fine that isn't making _anything_ better." Leo retorts, catching Donnie off guard at how stern his tone was. "You keep denying it, but we all know you're not okay. You haven't had a real conversation with us in almost three weeks! I know it's because of Draxum, we all do. So _talk_ about it."

Donnie sputters, his brain switching rapidly between denial and fear. Fear of the vulnerability that was sure to follow. He didn't want all three of them to know or see him like that.

But he _does_. Because deep down, yes, he wants the comfort. But he's scared.

Was is he scared? Why has he been _so_ scared?

"I don't have anything to talk about." He riposted, electrifying the tension now between them. A tension reminiscent of how they used to fight when they were younger.

Leo opens his mouth, but Donnie didn't even let him attempt to say anything. "I don't have anything to talk about." He repeats, louder and more aggressive, if that was even possible.

It was probably obvious in his stance that his defensive nature was a means of self-protection. Protection from what, through? He didn't know.

"Donnie," Raph interjects besides him, cutting Leo off again, who gives a disgruntled huff as he was, "we're your brothers. You can trust us." He says, a simple statement that holds so much weight as Donnie looks up at him. "I'm not gonna let sheep-creep divide us. So, talk to us."

The easy, more gentle nature Raph approached with dismantled his shield of aggressive self-protection, causing Donnie to sputter on a response.

His jaw was clenched tight. He wanted to shake his head and refuse, to keep insisting he was fine.

But then Mikey spoke.

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't know it would bother you this badly." He's fiddling with his fingers, looking down instead of at Donnie, almost like he's culpable in this situation.

Immediately, he feels a cold rush of shame. " _NoNoNoNoNoNo_ , it's- it's fine. Forget about it. I'm not upset," he fibs as a rush to reassure his younger brother. There's something about how sad Mikey had looked, obviously adopting all of Donnie's hurt and anger and distress as his fault, that made his heart sink into the floor.

This is exactly what he _didn't_ want. "I'm not upset." He repeats, pained. "Let's just- let's focus on the mutant situation. That's more important right now."

They don't even entertain Donnie's attempt to change the subject. Instead, Raph places a hand on his shoulder. "Donnie," he says, gentle and stern and concerned all at once, "we know what you're trying to do, and it's not gonna work. Tell us that's bothering you."

Donnie's eyes dart to each of his brothers, and each concerned expression was starting to eat at him. It was almost overwhelming, almost too much for him to even speak.

He opened his mouth, then closed it. Raph wouldn't accept the cherry-picked answer he wanted to give them.

Thinking, he bit the inside of his lip hard enough to draw blood, then released a shakey breath, the tears already welling in his eyes.

Right then, with all his brothers looking at him, he began to let it all out.

Each nightmare, each fear. All the anger. The distress from seeing them hurt. The way those memories would replay in his head. All of it.

And they listened.

They didn't laugh. They didn't scold him.

They just listened.

And Donnie finally unloaded the full truth.


	2. Bitter Sweet Symphony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie gets hurt, Draxum tries to make it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!!
> 
> Ahhh, it's been a while, so sorry about that! Life's been busy and I haven't really been in much of a groove to write, but here it is! Chapter two! There will probably be one or two more chapters after this one.
> 
> Thank you to all the comments I got on the last chapter! There were some criticisms that helped me write this one, so thank you!
> 
> Anywhooo, I hope you enjoy!!

"Okay, so what's the game plan?" Raph crosses his arms in that leader-y way he always does, voice edged with an obvious note of panic.

They're all huddled in Donnie's lab, as now that the sun was coming up they couldn't be standing around in the alley way to discuss the mutant situation. As expected, the break in attempt left each feeling uneasy, and the added strain from Donnie's spill of emotions probably didn't help any.

Donnie's eyes are still puffy from crying, and he's more than emotionally exhausted. He's exhausted _physically_ as well, and not just from the brief scuffle. Having to explain all of it to them through tears took a serious toll on his energy.

They'd all looked so worried, and something about the look on each of their faces would be carved into his mind forever. They'd pulled him into a group hug, something Donnie normally _hated_ expect for very, very specific instances.

That moment was definitely one of those instances.

He didn't push them away, or act indifferent to the comfort. No, instead he had practically collapsed into their arms, that shield he'd kept around his heart finally falling away.

No more very apparent lies of his true feelings, and now no one knew more than the other.

They all knew the whole truth, and as scary as it was, Donnie did feel like a burden had been lifted.

He sniffles from where he's standing, causing his brothers to look over at him.

His expression doesn't show that he notices the brief flash of concern that had appeared on their faces, but he acknowledges it.

He doesn't exactly blame them, Donnie had just unloaded a couple months worth of repressed emotions and anger, not towards them, but Baron.

He still felt guilty for admitting how much it had affected him to tend to their injuries after the fights. To have to ease them down from their panic and fear while his own hands shook as he tended to their wounds.

The last thing Donnie wanted was for them to feel like that was * _their_ * fault.

Because they didn't deserve to feel that guilt when the only one who * _should_ * be feeling it is Baron.

They had said he shouldn't equate Shredder's destruction to Baron's, and hold Baron accountable for Shredder, seeing as they _are_ two different people, but he can't shake the feeling Baron would've done so much worse with the Dark Armor's power had he been given the chance.

Just because he might've had a change of heart now, as Mikey had said, doesn't mean where his heart was previously wasn't horrifyingly  
ghastly.

"Well, we can't really do anything without telling dad and Draxum." Mikey pipes up. "So, shouldn't we do that first?"

"Dad's asleep right now," Leo points out, "we wouldn't be able _to_ tell him. You know he doesn't listen to anyone when he's sleepy, we have to wait for him to get up."

"Yeah, and I don't think telling Draxum first would be a good idea." Donnie mutters. "Mainly because I just don't want to tell him without dad there."

They nodded in agreement, exchanging glances.

"So, we just wait for the right time when pop's awake?" Raph says. "What do we do until then? Those guys are still out there, and they know where we are. Not only that, who knows who else is looking for Draxum right now." He points out.

"With how much Big Mama is offering I bet half of the Hidden City is coming to look for him." Leo comments, leaning back against the wall.

"Yeah, and for what he's done I wouldn't be surprised if most of them had a few grievances they wanted to sort out first." Donnie adds, only further perpetuating and solidifying the portentous nature of the situation.

They all exchange glances and Donnie has to bite his tongue to keep a cynical statement from leaving his mouth.

**_Are they really about to do this? Protect Draxum from the people he hurt and potentially tarnish their reputation at the same time?_ **

He couldn't help but feel bitter, again. Though he * _did_ * feel less tensed up in the lair now, he still held that grudge and resentment against Draxum.

That he would have to heal on his own accord, he knew.

Still, he couldn't help the way the bitter resentment flared up at the fact Draxum was going to put them through this, even if it wasn't by his own valision.

This was not a battle they should be fighting, _Draxum_ should be.

It was the consequences of his own actions coming back for him.

Why should they, the people he hurt the most, protect him from them?

After all, he won't ever truly learn and improve himself until he's faced with the consequences, right?

Donnie doesn't think one beat down by a couple of mutes was enough. Not to him. It doesn't even compare to the amount of pain he'd inflicted on others.

Was he a bad person for wanting Draxum to get what he deserves?

"Okay, well, let's not worry ourselves," Leo boisterously declares, breaking down that helpless silence that was starting to form between the four and effectively shaking Donnie out of his thoughts. "It's not like every Yõkai and mutant is suddenly rushing into the sewers all at once." He pushes himself off the wall, stepping more into the middle of all of them. "We were caught off guard, that's all. But next time they or anyone tries to break in, we'll be prepared."

Donnie's gaze stayed on Leo, too exhausted to offer a remark as quickly as he would on any other day. It was like he was being stretched thin mentally, and he was sure they were all in the same boat. "But they also know what to prepare for," he takes a deep breath, exhaling so hard it nearly knocks him over, "if they come back, which they _will_ , they'll expect they'll have to fight us to get to Draxum. I think they only reason they actually ran away was because they were _under_ prepared and I caught them off guard, which won't be the case when they come back. They looked tough, and who knows their true strength when they're giving it their all?"

"Buuuttt," Leo starts, drawing out the word, "they don't know there's _four_ of us. They only fought you and saw me, so we could still catch them off guard with Raph and Mikey _when_ they do come back."

Raph grins, giving a curt nod. "Leo's right. We still have the upper hand." He agrees. "So, should we keep watch for tonight?"

Donnie's gaze moves between his two brothers, silently debating with himself whether or not this was something he wanted to debate.

Deciding it wasn't, he shakes his head. "No," he says, crossing his arms, "the sun's up." He reminds, a simple statement that they all nod to.

No mutants or Yõkai are about during the day without a cloaking Brooch, so they should be relatively safe, all things considered.

They disbanded after that, now that they had discussed an admittedly very loose plan, but a plan nonetheless. They had all been reasonably spooked by the development with the unknown mutes. The fact those mutants now knew where they were located and were searching for someone in their care had all of them on edge.

However, now that their safety was assured, at least in that moment, they could finally sleep without having to keep one eye open. And they probably were just as exhausted as Donnie was himself.

Donnie watched them go, noticing Raph lagging behind purposely. He noted with a small hint of dread just why exactly Raph was staying behind, and he was soon to be proven right.

As the door closed behind Leo and Mikey, he turned to him.

"You gonna be alright?"

Such a simple statement, but to Donnie it caused an ache in his heart.

"I worried you guys, didn't I?" Typical Donatello, answering a question with a question as to avoid giving any actual answer. Especially when he didn't really have an answer to give.

"Donnie, we're always gonna worry about you. We all worry about each other, don't we? Because that's what family does, we look out for each other." He's turned to Donnie now, and when he doesn't look up to face him, he kneels.

"Mikey's going to think it's his fault." He mutters, that pain-in-the-ass anxious thought pattern already rearing it's ugly head like it did anytime he opened up. He rubs his temples, sniffling again.

"Don't worry 'bout that," Raph insists, "we wanted you to talk about it, and I promise you we're more at ease now that you did."

"Is- is it ever going to stop?" Donnie asks, "the anger, I mean, and how I'm feeling, will it stop?"

He's asking as a younger sibling to an older one, even if Raph wasn't all that much older. Only by barely two years.

Raph struggles on a response, a drawn out 'uh' leaving his mouth as he thought, clearly not wanting to give Donnie the wrong answer. "It does," he decides on, "it gets better with time."

_It gets better with time._

That replays in his head, over and over.

Donnie feels like he should've known that, but being book smart doesn't equate to be smart with his feelings.

He never learned coping skills, he just drowned himself in projects until it went away.

But right then, he didn't have to energy to dissect and pick apart his entire psyche. He was exhausted, and the way his shoulders ached and his head pounded drew him right to his bed.

It all seemed to vacate his body the moment his back touched the cool, plush mattress, his mind finally being given the rest it needed. _Actual_ rest this time, because those nightmares didn't show up to ruin it.

_______

They end up not needing to wait as long as they thought, because Splinter was awake by the time all four had woken up.

He was in the kitchen, having a conversation with Draxum that seemed all too friendly to Donnie, given how much resentment he knew his dad held against Draxum.

Again, that feeling was pushed down, though made its presence known through a slight irritation obvious in the way his brow twitched as he passed Draxum.

Leo was the first to rip that bandaid off, doing all the explaining for them while both their dad and Draxum stood there, mouth ajar.

"Did you get their names?"

"I don't think Donnie wanted to stop and ask for their names in the middle of committing a double homicide."

Leo lets out a yelp as Donnie smacks the back of his head with a huff.

"Ow!" He rubs a hand over the spot he had wacked, pouting immaturely.

"Donnie said it was a rhino and some hog-pig thing." Raph adds, ignoring the small squabble happening besides him.

Splinter's eyebrows furrow, tapping his foot against the stone floor. "And you didn't think to mention this earlier?"

"You were asleep when we got back, and literally _no one_ can get through to you when you're sleepy. It's like talking to a brick wall." Leo remarks as he stopped rubbing the back of his head, letting his hands drop back down to his sides.

"Not to mention you can sleep for, like, fifteen hours at a time." Donnie chimes in.

Splinter gives a defensive scoff, placing a hand to his chest more than over-dramatically. "What- I don't- I do not-" He sputters out, clearly not having a very good defense. "Besides- that," he clears his throat, "what are you guys going to do?"

"That's why we waited until you were awake." Raph answers. "We don't know."

Draxum had stood there silently, before catching their attention with a comically loud sip from his mug. "I think I know who those guys were." He goes quiet for a drawn out second as they look at him, taking another sip that makes Donnie want to knock the mug out of his hand. "If that'll help."

"Of course that'll help." Mikey encourages, cutting Donnie off from the snarky quip that was about to come out of his mouth.

"I know who tried to break in," he begins, every pair of eyes in the room baring into him, "I am sure you're all aware of my past experimentation on humans-"

"Very recent past." Donnie snorts, feeling Raph nudge his shoulder.

"Wow, you mean the people now trying to break into our home are people who have been wronged by you? That's a total surprise- said _no one ever_.” Donnie crosses his arms with a brief roll of his eyes, ignoring the way his brother's tensed.

This was the first time Donnie had tolerated Draxum being in the same room as him, much less speak directly to him, even if it was a sarcastic comment.

Draxum turns his head. "I did not treat them well, I will admit."

"So, what are we dealing with?" Raph cuts in, problem trying to shut down the tension between the two before it spirals into anything more.

"Bepop is a strong man, though not as strong as Rocksteady, and where Bepop lacks in physical strength, he makes up for it in wit," he sets his mug down onto the counter, "Rocksteady isn't the smartest, but he's strong. Far stronger that what you four can deal with on your own, especially with Bepop, you'd loose the fight on your own. I've fought you all and trust me, I know."

Donnie feels his blood run cold at that, fingers digging into his forearm. "Uh, pardon?"

"Oh no. ." His older brother mutters.

There's a burning pain in his forearm, unable to soften his grip as he gritted his teeth. "I'll remind you that I alone almost beat you in a fight, and so did Leo and Mikey and Raph. So I don't want to hear it." He finally lets go of his forearm, only so he could point an accusing finger at Draxum. "If there * _so_ * hard to beat, why don't you fight them yourself?" It's a rhetorical question, because they all knew the reason, no one had to say it. Draxum's jaw clenches in his attempt to control his anger, and they all knew Donnie's comment struck a cord.

Donnie merely narrows his eyes. "You don't have any powers anymore because of your dumb decision, remember that. We could easily throw you out." His face is bright red with anger, because the mere fact he could sit there and act like they're inept after they took him in and shielded him from the consequences of his actions got right under his skin.

"Which we _won't_ be doing, Donnie." Raph interjects, voice sharp. He clears his throat, as if it would possibly get through the tension Donnie created. "Any- way, uh, it's getting dark. I say we should go keep watch."

Donnie couldn't help how worked up he'd become, his fists clenched tightly as he stepped back, albeit reluctantly, as he still had so much he wanted to say.

Splinter sighs loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I think that would be best." 

Donnie's drug out of the kitchen by Raph before he can say anything else, his arms staying disgruntledly crossed the whole time.

\----

There's an uncomfortable silence on the surface that drags out for the better half of an hour, mainly perpetuated by Donnie's frustrated demeanor, that's only broken after Leo clears his throat obnoxiously.

"Alright, well, keeping watch was way more boring than I thought it'd be."

Donnie shoots him a glare. "And exactly how much fun did you imagine this would be, Leo? We're keeping watch so mutants don't literally take over our home and steal the war criminal we're harboring, it's not hangout time."

Leo groans in that overdramatic way that made Donnie's eyes roll into the back of his head. "Ugh, yeah, but does it _have_ to be brain-rottenly _boring?_ ”

"Our goal is to be focused right now. There's no way to make this _not_ boring that doesn't completely take our attention away from our goal." Raph interjects.

"Oh, come _on_. Did you see how big those guys where? I think we'll _hear_ them coming." He points out. "I don't think finding something to entertain ourselves with is gonna blow the whole thing."

Raph raises his eyebrows, unimpressed "Oh, yeah? And what did you even have in mind?"

Grinning, he unclips the button on his supply pack resting on his hip, pulling out a deck of cards. "We could play cards?"

Donnie sputters in disbelief, standing from where he'd been perviously kneeling, coming out of his hiding spot to look at Leo. "Are you serious? That's _not_ what I made those for. I didn't design our outfits like this so you can keep a deck of cards in your supply pack." He gripes. "What else are you keeping in there?"

With a hum, he digs through the pack. "My phone, candy-" Mikey perks up from besides him, and without saying a word Leo passes a piece of chocolate to him, "uhh, the cards- I don't know. Stuff like that."

"Are you serious? _That's_ what you've been using it for?"

"What else am I supposed to use it for?"

Donnie throws his hands up. "Supplies! You're supposed to use it for supplies!"

Leo scoffs. "But you literally carry everything we would ever need in your battle-shell, or tech-shell- whatever you call it."

Donnie chokes on a response, so Leo interrupts before he even gets it out. "Anyway, cards! Let's play!" He says, sitting down on the ground.

Mikey follows, sitting on the side his pouch was on to grab another piece of chocolate.

Raph and Donnie exchange glances, and then he sees him shrug, joining them on the ground.

Donnie sighs, shoulders sagging as his eyebrows drop. "You all have the combined I.Q of a piece of moss." He groans, but sits down anyway.

\---

They must have been playing cards for almost three hours, the night growing thicker as they cycled through different games and rounds. The more invested Donnie got, he noticed, the less worried he was over the entire situation as a whole.

"Go fish!"

"Bullshit!" Donnie threw his cards down. "You cheated! I know you have a seven, I saw it!"

Leo smirks, raising an eyebrow. "Wouldn't that mean _you_ cheated?"

"No, it means you hold your cards like a jackass, _everyone_ can see them!"

Mikey leans over just slightly, getting a good look at the cards in his hand, before back at Donnie. "You were right, he had a seven."

"I told you! Cheater!"

"Someone sounds pressed that I, the great, magnificent Leo, just beat them at Go Fish."

Donnie grits his teeth, huffing. He is, admittedly, taking the game a bit too seriously, but this _was_ Donnie after all. He took the most trivial things seriously.

"Wait until we play Chess, I would absolutely wipe the _floor_ with you." He retorts as he throws his cards down in defeat.

Leo snickers mischievously, collecting all the cards again to shuffle back into the pile.

"Alright, alright, what game now? We've been playing Go Fish for, like, ages now."

"Hmm-" Raph hums in thought as he hands the rest of his cards over.

"Speed?" Mikey suggests. "I'm really good at speed, I could probably beat Leo at it."

"Whhatt? No way, I refuse." Leo says, beginning to shuffle the cards and handing them out.

All four so focused on their card game, they don't hear the sound of heavy-weight footsteps on the roof.

They, in fact, didn't even notice the figures peaking into the alleyway upon hearing the commotion from their card game. It kept their attackers from waltzing into the alleyway and instead, gave them time to think of a plan. The two mutes headed up on top of the roof, one of each opposite end.

This time, **_they_** would get the upper hand.

It comes out of nowhere for the brothers, and Raph is the first one to see them.

The hog, Bebop, is aiming right for Donnie as he jumps down, and he would've crushed him if Raph hadn't moved to knock Donnie out of the way.

"Guys, move!" He shouts, looking back over at Leo and Mikey, both equally as stunned.

They have fast reflexes, however, and are quick to move out of the way just as the rhino, Rocksteady, hits the very ground they had been sitting down on, cracking the pavement beneath his feet.

He lets out a gruff snort, looking at Bebop, who appears to grin.

"Huh, there's two more than yesterday," he comments, then looks over at the mutant rhino, "but that won't be a problem at all."

Leo immediately unsheathes his ödachi, holding a defensive stance. "Hey, don't count your chickens before they hatch, hogman. Don't forget my brother beat * _both_ * of you guys, like, super easy last time."

Donnie grips his tech-bo, feet pressed so firmly against the ground it almost hurt. He clenches his jaw to stop himself from saying anything to Leo's statement.

Both Bebop and Rocksteady looked so much bigger when he wasn't running on pure emotions, he was starting to take into account what Draxum had warned them about.

**_Could they do this?_ **

The rhino had a thick pair of brass knuckles, with the hog dawning a machete that lied in a holster on his back.

The gear they were dressed in didn't help his new apprehension at all. It was a mix of casual and tactical.

The rhino dawned knee and shoulder pads, the camo cargo pants the rhino wore mixed with the casual green shirt, and the hog wore the same, though deciding on a sleeveless, red leather jacket and causal blue jeans for his get up.

The fact the hog was just smaller the Raph and the rhino was _bigger,_ definitely didn’t help.  
  
They look over at him, obviously recognizing him, and the dismissive wave of Bebop's hand makes him grit his teeth.

"He caught us by surprise," he says, shrugging, "that's the _only_ reason we didn't crush him right then, lickety-split."

Donnie gave a disgruntled scoff, though he couldn't exactly say he didn't believe them. He definitely couldn't have fought both of them alone on a normal day under normal circumstances, not without the help of at least one of his brothers.

"You both are _all_ talk," he snapped, "now, which one of you is Bebop and which one is Rocksteady?"

Donnie didn't need to ask, not really. He could get a good guess just by looking at them and thinking about the information Draxum had given them.

Rocksteady was the strongest of the two, which must be the rino, who was obviously larger than the hog.

Bebop was the smarter of the two, though not _smart,_ which must be the hog, given he was definitely more eloquent than the rhino, even if it wasn't by much.

There's a look of surprise on both their faces, but then the mutant hog grins.

"So, he told you about us, you Draxum must be close, huh?"

"Forget my question then," Donnie points the tip of his tech-bo at the hog, "your Bebop," he then directs it towards the rhino, "and you're Rocksteady."

They both look mildly impressed, which tells him his guess had been right.

"Alright, and who are _you?_ Since you know our names, wouldn't it be fair for us to know yours?"

Donnie exchanges a look with Raph, who shook his head.

"You don't need to know our names." His older brother retorted, stepping a little closer. "Now, what exactly do you need Draxum so badly for you're willing to break into _our_ home just to get to him?"

Rocksteady raises his head. "What exactly do _you all_ need him so badly you're willing to fight us to keep him?"

"We don't _need_ him for anything!" Mikey retorts. "He made us, he's our _dad!_ That's why we won't let you take him!"

There's utter silence, and then  
Bebop and Rocksteady bellow a taunting laugh that echos through the alley.

" _Made you?_ Your _dad?”_ Bebop repeats condescendingly.

"You're all lab experiments!" Rocksteady shouts snobbishly. "He made you in a lab to _use_ you."

"Draxum isn't your * _dad_ *. He doesn't _actually_ care about any of you." Bebop snorts. "If you think he actually cares about any of you, you're being brainwashed. Just as we were."

Mikey's expression drops, like a stake had been struck through his heart. He opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it just as quickly.

Donnie grits his teeth, barking out, "you shut your Goddamn mouth!" He adjusts his hold on the tech-bo, feeling every muscle in his body tense. The way Mikey had looked so crushed at his words immediately got under his skin, causing rage to fester deep.

"We're _not_ giving you Draxum, and that's _that._ ” He moves forward until he's standing in front of Raph. "I don't really think you wanna fight us on this."

Bebop scoffs, cocking his head towards Rocksteady with a shrug.

"Fine."

Almost on cue, the rhino darts forward, slamming into Donnie. It knocks the air out of his lungs, sending him flying into the wall.

Swiftly he's back on his feet, twisting the mid-point of the tech-bo until the mechanic tip had morphed into the heavy-weight bullet he'd used to fight them previously.

He swings, and Rocksteady grips the blunt tip, pushing it away as he swings at Donnie again, who jumps back.

Donnie spins the staff around his arm to change his grip, twirling around as his in the air to strike the rhino again.

He lands a good enough hit to knock him back, and that's when Raph charges forward, letting out a shout as he strikes with his fists.

Rocksteady gets his footing, slamming the brass knuckles on his fists' together with a powerful * _clank_ * before aiming at the red-clad turtle. He moves back just in time, narrowing dodging his swing.

His fist hit the ground instead, causing the pavement to crack and spilt under his brawn.

It was a show of strength had made Donnie's skin crawl.

Letting out a shout that bounced of walls of the alleyway, he ran at Raph again. The blur of fists made it hard to see who had the upper hand, until Raph ends an uppercut that sends the mutant rhino stumbling back in Donnie's direction.

With a grin, he twists the mid-point of his tech-bo, transforming it into a bat. He spun the handle around his wrist, getting a good grip on it before swinging.

"Kinematics!” He shouts triumphantly as he strikes Rocksteady's back, sending him flying in Bebop's direction.

He grins, sharing a look with Raph as he reverses his tech-bo back to the default, sure he had put Rocksteady down, only to see him get to his feet unexpectedly quick.

The mutant rhino looks at Bebop, who moves back closer to him in an attempt to dodge Leo's attack.

As he does, they high-five, a silent code, and then Bebop charges in towards Donnie and Raph while Rocksteady took his place fighting Leo and Mikey.

Donnie exchanges a shocked look with Raph, but they keep it brief.

Bebop aims for Donnie, and as he jumps to move back, he feels the hog's hand grab his ankle, slamming him back down onto the pavement.

He holds his tech-bo up in anticipation for his next hit, and that comes in the form of a strike from his machete as he unsheathes it.

The sharp blade scratched the titanium of the tech-bo as Bebop pushed down with an incredible amount of strength, Donnie’s arms shaking as he combated it with his own.

**_How were they this strong?_ **

Straining his muscles with a shout of effort, he thrusts his tech-bo up, shoving Bebop up enough that he’s able to aim a sharp kick to the underside of his jaw.

It sends sending him stumbling over to Raph, who grabs the straps of the harness on his back, using it to spin him into the wall.

Donnie gets to his feet, and right as he's about to rush in again, he sees Rocksteady.

He's fighting Leo and Mikey, and as Leo's struck down, he directs his next attack on Mikey, who's in too tight of a place to dodge, and Leo's not in the position to help him.

He glances at Raph, and upon seeing he has the upper hand against Bebop, Donnie rushes in.

He jumps, swinging his tech-bo down with a shout,

Just as he swings down, Rocksteady turns around, his sharp, sinister gaze catching him off guard.

The mutant rhino whips around, grabbing the staff on his tech-bo. He yanks him forward, rapping Donnie across the cheek.

The brass knuckles brake skin, but he doesn’t have time to focus on the pain as Rocksteady’s hand grips his plastron with one hand, remind Donnie just how huge the rhino was compared to him.

Before he even has time to panic, he's slammed into the brick wall.

"Ack-"

"Not so tough now." He snarks, putting more pressure on his plastron, which in turn pushes him further into the brick wall.

Donnie feels his air becoming limited, straining just for a good breath.

**_Not good. Not good. This is very not good._ **

Donnie grips his tech-bo, flipping it between his fingers to get a firm grip. As he goes to hit Rocksteady, hopping it would get him to let go, the rino raises his hand.

He grabs his tech-bo, crushing it in his palm, snapping it right in half. 

He's given a sly grin, and then he's pulled away from the wall just enough to give him false hope in the form of a good breath, before being pummeled right back against it.

Donnie hears his battle-shell shatter, and the more Rocksteady pushes, the more it breaks, pieces of it falling onto the ground with a faint clatter.

His eyes search around wildly for help as the pressure increases, pure terror seizing him.

**_It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. I can’t-_ **

He hears a sickening crack, one he knows isn't the battle-shell from the shooting pain that wraps up his spine almost instantly. He lets out a yell, a mix of fear and pain, thrashing against the hand keeping him pinned.

"Donnie!"

He hears one of his brothers’ shout, but his brain is too muddled by pain to recognize and distinguish the voice.

He sees a blur of red, and then he's falling to the ground, practically lifeless.

His battle-shell is completely shattered, falling into pieces around him, exposing his shell.

Blood drips onto the pavement, his broken tech scattered around him.

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as he tries to force himself to stand, which may have been a bad idea. He stumbles, falling to his knees again as a fogging sounds of battle rises around him.

The worst part is he doesn't quite knock out, just muddily aware of what's going on around him. Blurred fighting, angry yells, and then he's being carried out of the alley.

Time is all smeared together, so he doesn’t know how long it takes or how long he’d been laying there.

Once he recognizes the lair, he finally lets his eyes close, a feeling of safety making his fight for consciousness dim.

He was too out of it to beat himself up over dropping the ball, but at least Mikey wasn't hurt.

_____

When Donnie finally comes to, there's an ache in his shell. He doesn't quite understand, until the recollection of the nights events come back to him.

He was _alive._

He sits up, only to let out a pain noise. He couldn't tell how bad the damage to his shell was, but it couldn't have been anything minor.

As he looks down, he sees his chest wrapped with gauze, probably because it was the only thing on hand. Gauze wouldn't be enough to keep him stable, he knew.

Whipping his head around, he sees his brothers asleep on the floor, huddled together.

Did they stay with him the whole time?

How long had he been. .?

Looking around, Donnie spots an empty box of gauze on the small bedside table. Taking it, he chucks it at his brothers.

It hits Leo, who immediately jumps to his feet with a, "I'm up!"

Donnie looks at him, and as their eyes meet, he relaxes, looking relieved instead as he lets out a sigh so heavy his shoulders drop.

"You're okay." He points out, like that fact was the best thing he's ever heard.

"Of course I'm okay." Donnie retorts, then sighs. "What happened?"

"You. .don't remember?"

"I remember. . _some_ of it." He bites the inside of his cheek. "I remember we were fighting Bebop and Rocksteady, and then- Rocksteady. ." He trails off, because there really was no need to say he. They both knew.

"Do you remember Raph losing it?"

Donnie shakes his head.

"You don't remember anything after it happened?"

He shook his head. "Not really." His eyebrows pull together. "How long have I been out?"

"Uh, I wanna say almost two days?"

Guilt washes over him like frigid water. "Did you guys stay here for two days?" 

Leo hesitates his response. "Uh-"

"You guys did, didn't you?"

"One of us was always here, we didn't wanna leave you alone." He admits.

Donnie diverts his gaze, unable to keep eye contact. He hunches over slightly, one hand resting on his shoulder. "How bad is it?"

Leo hesitates a response.

"Bad, huh?"

"I'm sorry."

Donnie eyes closes his eyes as if he'd be struck, biting the inside of his cheek with a grimace. 

That sickening feeling reared its ugly head. The one he hated to remember the most.

He was really the weakest one, wasn’t he? He would die in more than half the battle he’d fought without his tech, and now he almost died _with_ it. Because it had been _destroyed_ so easily under the palm of someone so strong.

His tech-bo, and his battle-shell.

And his _real shell_.

**_The weakest thing about him._ **

With a sigh, one that hurts as he exhales, he grumbles, "why are you apologizing? It's not like you did anything."

Leo opens his mouth to say something, but Donnie doesn't let him. "Can you get the sports wrap?" He points over to a nearby table in the Med-bay. "Gauze isn't going to be enough if my shell is broken," he explains, then adds, "you guys did a good job though. I'm not dead, at least."

Leo smiles faintly as he hands the sports wrap over, though his eyebrows are pulled together, and that smile fades.

Donnie feels his heart sink as he notices, but he doesn't say anything, just gently takes the sports wrap. It's strong enough that it'll apply the pressure he needed to his shell that will easy the sore pain.

With Leo's help, he wraps it around his plastron and shell until it's secure.

"Alright, thank y-" Donnie's about say, being cut off as Leo pulls him into a hug.

A _tight_ one.

This wasn't just a _I was so worried_ hug, this was a **_I can’t believe you almost died, I'm so glad you're alive, please never do that again_** hug.

He's quiet, but Donnie can feel the way his shoulders shake. Looking over his shoulder, he can see Raph and Mikey now standing there. 

Both had expressions mixed with relief and grief, joining Leo in the hug. Donnie didn’t need to see their faces to know they were crying.

They were probably trying to stay quiet because they knew crying over Donnie would make him feel worse.

Donnie doesn’t allow himself cry, mostly because it would be physically impossible for him. He hated that feeling more than crying- when his body just _refused_ to let him, so it only made the ache in his heart worse in response.

He does lean into the hug without pushing away. At least for a moment.

“Alright, alright, alright-“ He shimmers out of their embraces, hearing a chorus of sniffles. “I’m fine, so enough with the sob-fest.”

That gets them to smile a little, which in turn gets him to relax.

“I’m going to try and stand now; can I do that?”

Raph opens his mouth, stuttering on his response for a moment. “Don-“ He starts, hesitating. “Rocksteady hurt you real bad. ‘S just that-“

Donnie raises an eyebrow, but feels his heart sink with a sickening feeling of dread. “This is the part you tell me I’ll _never walk again, it’s a tragedy!”_ He mocks, saving face.

“We don’t _know_ that, I don’t think it’s _that_ bad, but ‘s definitely _bad_.”

He laughs bitterly, looking down. “Considering how much everything hurts right now, I don’t doubt it.”

The silence that follows is deafening.

Donnie lets it drag out until he couldn’t handle it, looking up at his brothers. Each dawned a look of pity.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He mutters, shaking his head. “Anyway, I’m standing.”

“Don-“ Leo objects, but he shuffles over to the side of the bed before he can finish.

The minute he’s on his feet, the pain in his shell is crippling, causing his knees to go weak. He lets out a noise of pain, but puts his hand up to keep his brothers from helping him.

“I got it, ‘m fine.” His voice is shaky, but he forces himself to power through. The sports wrap was a good idea, as the pressure kept everything together and made it hurt less.

Every step was just below agony, a sharp pain running up his shell each time.

 _But_ , at least he was walking on his own.

The minute he walks out of the Med-Bay, his brothers right behind him, he sees his dad rushing over.

“Donatello!”

“Wow, my real na- woah.” He’s cut off as he’s tugged down by his hand, barely having time to wince in pain as he was pulled into a hug.

“My son, you’re okay.” Splinter says softly, pulling away to look at him. “I was so worried.”

Donnie is taken aback for a moment, struggling with a response as he sees the tears in his eyes. “Hey! Hey, I’m okay, I’m fine.”

That didn’t seem to deter the tears, with them finally streaming down his cheeks in thick, heavy lines. It occurred to Donnie then he’d never really seen his dad cry before. Though, he knew the tears were warranted. This had been his dad’s number one fear since he was a tot, after all. It probably wasn’t easy for his fear to become a reality after dealing with another close call that had put him on edge.

“You should go see April, she is on the couch,” he suggests as he wipes his eyes, “she’s been here waiting for you to wake up.”

“April’s here?” He looks up, eyes landing on the armchair in the living room. He sees familiar arms and legs draped over the arm rests.

He stands, grimacing a little at the ache, walking over to the armchair sitting in the middle of the living room.

Sure enough, April is sprawled out. Even asleep, she looks exhausted. Well, Donnie thought _everyone_ looked exhausted. Because they _were_.

He kneels again, wincing at the sharp pain that made its way up his spine. He goes to gently nudge April awake, but before his hand even reached her, she stirred.

Her eyes opened, and the moment they landed on him, she shot up.

“Donnie!”

She throws her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug, and he doesn’t even need to see her face, he can tell she was already crying. He could hear it in her voice.

“I seriously though you were gonna die, I was so worried-“ She rambles, pulling away to look at him. Her hands rested on his shoulders, tears streaming down her face.

April crying was a rare sight, so Donnie knows this all must’ve really gotten to her.

Not like this would be something that _wouldn’t_ get to her.

“Hey, hey, I’m okay- I’m fine-“ He repeats. “Wow, there has been a lot of crying since I woke up.” He tries for a joke, at least getting a smile from her and a watery chuckle.

He’s pulled back in, and he doesn’t fight it, hugging right back. It’s a good few moments before he’s let go, his eyes wandering to each of their faces.

The way they all looked at him made his mind race, his stomach sinking into the floor as he thought about it.

They’d never see him the same after this, would they? They’d be too scared of the same thing happening again, because he was _weaker_. Not even his tech could offer for-sure protection, and now they’d have _even less_ faith in his tech.

And wasn’t that the _one_ thing that set him apart?

His brains, _sure_ , but his _tech_. His tech was something he was known for, it was the thing that made him strong, yet it had been crushed so easily under his enemy’s palm.

Not just once, but _twice_.

Donnie’s eyes passed by each of their face’s, each etch with worry and relief and _pity_.

 ** _Pity_**.

The look that caused Donnie to spend all his life since he was _seven_ reading book after book, cooping himself up in his room until he made brilliant inventions that made him just as strong as his brothers’, if not _stronger_ for a short period of time.

Until they found those mystic weapons, and their brawls started involving people outside of each other.

And in facing the real enemy, Donnie crumbled.

And now- _now_ , thanks to the failure in his tech, what he devoted his life to, that look of pity he spent so long trying to get away from came right back.

He could never escape it. It followed him like a haunting reminder than he’d always be inferior to his brothers.

He feels a cold chill run through his body, palms becoming sweaty as a sudden feeling of panic grabbed a hold of him.

“Hey- uh, I’m tired, I think I’m gonna go rest.” Donnie blurts out suddenly, and he sees them all give a concerned look, a brief moment of hesitation, then understanding.

He doesn’t know who says what, or what is even said, he just says a mused goodbye and walks away.

It was too much. _Way_ too much, and he needed to be alone.

_Unimportant._

He was unimportant now. Even if they would never say it, he _knew_ he was. And he knew it would only be confirmed from the pitied looks he’d start getting.

His best was defeated so easily, and he took so long to even get _there_.

There was nothing he could do. It wasn’t like they _needed_ his tech. They had mystic powers, and it did everything Donnie’s tech could but _better_. They didn’t _need_ him.

Donnie knew he was loved, he understood that, but being wanted was different from being _needed_. And in his head, if he wasn’t _needed_ , what was the point? He had nothing to offer. Nothing that would make a big impact of loss if he were to disappear.

His whole life he believed he had to have something meaningful to offer, _something_ that made him important to the people around him. That made him _needed_.

But, he didn’t have that anymore.

In his haste, he bumps into a broad-shouldered figure walking out of the hall. He lets out a grimace at the pain that rapped up his spine at the sudden jostle, looking over to face whoever he’d knocked into.

His stomach sinks into the floor as he realized who it was.

_Draxum._

Donnie tried to slow his panicked breathing, blinking away the tears in his eyes. Something about Draxum seeing him in such a vulnerable state made his stomach crawl uneasily.

 _Why now?_ He whined in his head.

Draxum had a shocked look on his face, eyes going first to his damaged shell, then to his pained expression.

The way he’s looking at him now makes him feel unwell. There’s so many emotions on his face, none of which Donnie thought he’d ever see.

Donnie narrowed his eyes, an attempt to silently show his distain, but the effect is probably lessened by the way he sucks in an uneasy breath and struggles visibly to hold back his tears.

 _What? What do you want? Why do you keep staring?_ He thinks silently, desperate to be alone as it all starts to mount.

Draxum opens his mouth, and he tenses.

 _What? What are you gonna say? **I told you so**? I get it, you were right. _He challenges in his head, but then Draxum closes his mouth, inhales deeply, and turns to walk away.

Donnie doesn’t know if him _actually_ saying something would’ve pissed him off more, but him just walking away did it anyway.

He turns, quick on his heel, and the minute he’s in his lab, he slams the button that closes the door.

A cry escapes his throat, a mix of both physical and mental pain. Tears streamed down his face, stinging as they rolled over his busted cheek.

He stumbled into his bathroom; palms pressed into the corners of the sink as he leaned against it. His breaths were coming out in short, quick puffs, with small, pained noises escaping with each one.

His hands shook as they covered his face, trembling all over.

_Did it ever get easier?_

Ever since he’s turned fifteen, life had been nothing but a huge punch in the face, over and over, and he was so tired.

He’d always be the weak little brother who ran his mouth to hide his insecurities. The one they kept around out of _pity,_ not because he offered anything to the team that they couldn’t get from anyone else.

He raises his head, looking at his reflection in the mirror, and he has to resist the urge to reach out and smash the glass to bits.

He looks so, _so_ pathefic; with bandages spiraling up his chest and thick tears running down his busted cheek, a look of defeat in his eyes that ran uncomfortably deep.

He covers his face again, shoulders shaking with a sob.

Donnie would get his bearings on everything once he couldn’t cry anymore, once his body was beyond exhausted and pulling him towards the bed for some well-needed rest.

He’d never been the type to cry, not like _this_. If something bad happened, or he was knocked down, he pushed forward. He discarded the hurt and he pushed on, it was rare for him to be so utterly defeated he just had to cry, and all he _could_ do is cry.

Usually if he did cry, he wiped his eyes and forgot it even happened. He just got right back on his feet and acted like it never happened.

But as he laid down, sniffling, eyes puffy and red, it stayed with him. He didn’t feel like pushing forward. Not right then.

He just let himself sink into the mattress, hoping he’d fall through it and disappear.

\----

Donnie didn’t get up much for the next couple of days, not even to work on whatever project was currently strew across his desk, which was usual for him. His body needed the rest and needed to heal, he supposed, so he didn’t push it.

Not like he had the drive to, anyway. It was almost _scary_ to him just how uninterested he was. How defeat weighed so heavily in his chest it anchored him to the bed.

Sure, he had those moments when he’d rather stay in bed, or where he’d stare at the wall for hours just trying to get himself up, but he always _did_. He always got out of bed to work on his projects or hang out with April and his brothers.

He’d never felt so lifeless, like he was taking a backseat to the world around him, watching it all pass him by while he stayed buried under his blankets.

One of his brothers would come in to help replace the bandages and tell him about their plans for the day, and if it wasn’t a busy day, they’d all come into his room to help cheer him up by chatting or watching a movie.

Those days where few and far between, though, seeing how busy they were. Every day they kept watch, waiting with tension for some enemy to rear their heads and charge in for a fight. Not to mention having to deal with their usual missions. They’d all be exhausted by the time they got home that after his bandages where changed, they all knocked out almost immediately.

Donnie didn’t mind, as what they were already doing for him made his consciousness run heavy with guilt.

He usually slept the day away, anyway.

Eventually, taking steps hurt less and less, and walking wasn’t as taxing. Still, however, he found himself apprehensive about leaving his room.

He didn’t want to see Draxum, and he didn’t want to get those looks of pity he _knew_ was coming.

But rationally, he knew he _needed_ to. His mind would just keep him trapped, and he’d waste away in his room.

So, after two weeks, he pushed himself out of bed, walking out into the living room.

It was still early enough that his brothers were all out in the living room, enjoying their free time before they’d have to head out.

Leo and Raph were racing against each other in a game of Mario Kart while Mikey shouted encouragements and heckles from where he was seated next to Leo’s beanbag chair.

Silently, he walked over to the beanbag chair Raph was currently occupying, sitting down beside it.

“And he lives!” Leo announces, looking away from the TV screen to glance at him.

“Unfortunately.” Donnie deadpans, but can’t help the small smile that formed on his face.

Raph looks over at him, offering a welcoming smile. “How’s the shell doing?”

“Oh, well, fine. It doesn’t hurt that badly anymore.”

“Yeah, when we were changing the sports wrap yesterday, it looked almost healed!” Mikey adds cheerfully.

Raph back at the screen, smile staying. “Nice! It shouldn’t be too long before you’re joining us on missions again.”

Donnie feels a pained feeling in his chest, but smiles. “Yeah.” He murmurs faintly, pulling his knees to his chest as he looked at the screen. He knows what Raph was trying to do, and he appreciated the thought. He wouldn’t be able to join without his battle-shell, he knew, and he hadnt even _started_ on rebuilding it.

Part of him was too scared to, it seemed, too embarrassed to look at the mess of parts that shrieked of his failure.

They didn’t act like anything was different, which Donnie was grateful for. It was easy for him to get into laughing and joking like they normally did.

For that moment, he could forget it even happened. He could act like everything was the same as it used to be. Before he got hurt. .before _Draxum_.

But it didn’t last for long, of course. Time was never on Donnie’s side, it seemed, as all the good moments he had passed by so quickly.

“Alright, it’s time to head out.” Raph announced, with Leo and Mikey bouncing up besides them.

Donnie was slower as he got to his feet, watching them pick up their weapons with a feeling of yearning and dread.

He had never actually watched them leave, and it hurt just as much as he thought it was going to. It was a feeling of worthlessness he couldn’t stand.

Splinter is standing by the armchair as Donnie turns around, looking at his brothers, then at him. “You’re up.” He comments, not masking the surprise in his voice.

Donnie nods. “Yeah, my shell is healing. It doesn’t hurt that badly, just sore.”

He notices the relief on his dad’s face, nodding. It was right then Donnie noticed how much older his dad looked, bags under his eyes that weighed heavy with worry, an exhausted wrinkle between his eyebrows.

“Alright, we’re heading out, pops.” Raph informs, getting Splinter’s attention.

“Report anything unusual back to me- and be careful. Is April joining you?”

“She’s catching up with us later.” Leo pipes up.

There’s another nod from his dad as he scrambles up into his chair. “Okay, keep her safe, too. Just be careful.”

“We will!” Mikey chirps.

“Race you to the surface!” Leo shouts, speeding past his younger brother.

“Hey, you got a head start! No fair!” He calls as he speeds off after him, their voices getting fainter and fainter before they disappeared completely.

_Well, at least they still joke around like-_

Donnie’s heart sinks.

_Like nothing’s changed._

Rationally, Donnie knew it was preposterous for him to think that way, but still, those thoughts nagged at him-

_Nothing would really be all that different if he were gone, would they?_

Donnie shakes his head.

 _Don’t be stupid._ He tells himself.

“You ‘ight?”

A voice shakes him from his thoughts, looking over to see Raph standing by him, eyebrows pulled together.

Donnie clears his throat. “Always.”

Raph’s gaze lingers, however, so he adds, “you should go, I think Leo’s probably made it up already.”

Donnie doesn’t acknowledge his concern, that Raph can _see_ his frailness, only acts like he’s oblivious, like nothing’s changed at all.

“Hm, ‘ight.” Raph says, turning away. “We’re bringing April back tonight, so don’t fall asleep too early!” He calls over his shoulder, and then he races off.

Donnie stands still for a moment, staring in Raph’s direction until he can no longer hear the race of his footsteps.

He hates that feeling. The feeling of worthlessness as he has to stay behind, watching his brothers go out and fight.

He’d probably be more of a burden then anything, to be fair, given the state he was in.

How annoying would it be for them to have to stop fighting to save him because he’s too weak to do it himself?

 _Stop feeling sorry for yourself._ He tells himself sternly.

He tears his gaze away from the exit, turning to face his dad. There’s some cheesy show playing on the T.V, one Donnie doesn’t care to pay attention to. It was just junk food television, anyway.

Instead, he walks over to the armchair. He sits besides it, leaning his cheek against the armrest as he pulls his knees up to his chest.

He hears his dad suck in a breath of surprise, but he doesn’t speak.

“So,” Donnie says, breaking the silence, “April’s going with them?” He doesn’t look over, not being able to bare looking at his dad or making any kind of eye contact. He rarely ever did. . _this._ He couldn’t even remember the last time they had talked.

But Donnie _wanted_ to talk. He didn’t want to be alone right now. His mind was at it’s most dangerous, and he knew that.

“Yes, she is. I figured it’d be better if they had the four of them instead of three.”

“Hm.” Donnie hummed, closing his eyes. There’s a question nagging at him, tugging at his tongue to just spit it out no matter how scared he was of the truth.

He’d have to face it sometime, right?

“When will I be able to go with them again on missions?”

Splinter doesn’t respond right away, and Donnie doesn’t need to face him to see his hesitation, he can _hear_ it.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to lie to you, son, I don’t know.”

It stings, but Donnie doesn’t speak, not even to defend himself.

“I would say a couple more weeks, just until your shell is healed completely, but I. .” He trails off, going quiet for a moment before he finishes the thought. “I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

He doesn’t elaborate, but Donnie understands what he’s trying to say.

_I don’t want your tech to fail again, so I don’t know if I’d want you to go with them._

His dad wanted them to be strong, he wanted them to be excellent and skilled fighters, but above all of it, he wanted them _alive_.

His worst fear was losing them, and Donnie knew that. Coming that close to facing that reality was enough to shake his dad to his core.

Donnie let out a deep exhale through his nose, his only response that showed he acknowledged his dad’s words.

There’s a silence then, one that leaves Donnie in intense discomfort.

Taking a moment to look around, he turns back with another question.

 _“_ Where’s Draxum? I haven’t seen him once since I’ve been out.” _I haven’t really seen him much at all_ , he adds in his head.

There’s another brief pause of hesitation from his dad, one that gets him to finally look back.

“He’s out looking for stuff, he says it’s for some science project.”

A chill of realization so cold it makes him feel sick washes over him.

 _Draxum_. Right there was someone who outdid Donnie in every aspect.

Strong, mystical, _better_ at science in every single way-

Every _single thing_ Donnie would _never_ be.

He doesn’t show how much that had got to him, instead giving a dismissive grunt as he looks forward again. “It’s probably not safe for him to be alone, no?”

“I think he’ll be able to handle himself just fine, he’s been healing up fine while you’ve been recovering. He’ll have enough energy to escape if there happens to be any trouble.”

Another dismissive grunt comes from Donnie, pressing his cheek back into the armrest.

He doesn’t get up right away, eyes moving to the T.V. As boring as it was, he never really sat down like this with his dad, so for that moment, he just relaxed.

He doesn’t know how much time had passed exactly when he finally gets up his feet, but whatever show had been on was now rolling its credits and his dad was stretched out, asleep.

 _Of course_. He thinks, but smiles, just faintly.

He walks over to where the beanbag chairs were, picking up one of the blankets thrown over them, before moving back over to the armchair. He gently lays it over his dad, who stirs only slightly, and then he walks away.

He heads for his lab, a burn of determination in his stomach.

He would remake his tech-bo, and his battle-shell, and his goggles, but _better_.

He had to. Even if it failed. He would feel worse if he just didn’t even try.

\-----

Donnie doesn’t know exactly how long he spends hunched at his desk, goggles fixed over his eyes, a welding tool in his hand as he pieced together and tried to salvage some of the tech from the broken parts his brothers managed to save.

He hadn’t even looked through them until that moment, and seeing how each was scattered to bits was more then disheartening, to say the least.

He had been invested, the scraps of metal taking all of his attention. It was the kind of concentration he hadn’t had since he’d been injured.

It was hard to shake him from his work when he got like this. Time and food was an afterthought to Donnie in this state, which is why his brothers’ always played an intense round of Rock-Paper-Scissors over who would have to drag him from his room to go on missions or to eat dinner when they knew he was in this kind of zone.

April, on the other hand, had always been the best at it.

“D _dddooooooonnnnnnniieeeeeeee!”_ An energetic voice shouted, the doors of his lab being slammed open, causing him to jump. “Stop whatever do-dad you’re working on, we’re watching Jupiter Jim: Race Against Space!” She announces, walking up to Donnie’s chair.

She leaned against the back of it as Donnie turn around, eyebrows pulled together to show his contempt. huffing as he pulls his goggles off.

She returns a smug look, and they stay like that for several moments before they can’t help but laugh, with Donnie being the one to break first.

“How’ve you been, D?” She asks, something so incredibly tender in the way she did.

He leans back in his chair, letting out an exhale as his shoulder’s relaxed. “Better.” He responds simply, rolling his shoulders that had gone stiff from how long he’d been sitting there, hunched over his desk.

She smiles, giving a small nod. “That’s good,” she murmurs, then takes his hand, “well, c’mon! It’s movie night!” She takes his other hand, tugging him up.

“Ugh, sounds like a load of dreck.” Donnie groans as he pushes himself up, following behind April as she tugs him along.

“It’s not, they put a lot of planning into it!” She insisted. “It’ll be fun.”

“Mhm. I could be working on my invention instead.”

“It will, D. You can work on your little do-dad later.”

She tugs him out into the living room, where he sees his brothers setting up.

Raph is struggling with the projector, while Leo is straightening a blanket laid out on the floor, setting down a bowl of popcorn as he plops down. Mikey sits beside him, depositing a plastic bag’s contents onto the blanket next to him. A different array of snacks is laid out, ranging from M&M’s to gummy bears to Donnie’s favorite pinwheel cookies to-

“Is that ramune?” Donnie asks, pointing down at the bottles, his eyebrows pulling together.

“Yep!” Mikey chirped. “We got all the flavors you like, even if Leo fought us on it.” The orange-clad turtle threw a glare over at his blue brother.

“I still think Leche _sucks_ , but-“ Leo mumbled under his breath as he picked up a bottle.

Donnie is left staring for a moment, eyes moving to each of his brothers. Even as April let go of his hand, going to sit by Mikey and rooting through the snacks, he stayed in place.

_His favorite movie, his favorite snacks-_

_And Draxum is gone?_

“What is this? What’s going on here?” He says, pointing down at them as he narrowed his eyes.

April lets out a hum from around the M&M’s in her mouth, swallowing as she tipped her head to the side. “What do you mean, Donnie?”

With a huff, he gestures animatedly to the whole set up. “This! Why did you guys _do_ all _this_?”

She exchanges a glance with Mikey, but as she goes to respond, Raph beats her to it.

“We wanted to cheer you up,” he answers honestly, walking away from the projector to sit down on the beanbag chair, “we known you’ve been feeling down, and we haven’t really got to spend time with you because of the whole mutant-Baron Draxum situation-“

“ _Soooooo,_ we wanted to set up a movie night!” Mikey chirps, throwing up his arms excitedly. He looks up with glittering stars in his eyes, a hopeful smile on his face.

Donnie opens his mouth but shuts it quickly once he realizes he didn’t have much to say. It’s overwhelming, the thought that they had all been worried about him so much that they got together and planned out a movie night, getting all of his favorite things and watching his favorite movie that he _always_ had to fight his brothers’ on watching.

It was a mix of feelings, some good and some making his stomach sink and churn. One part of him was reassured, because even if he thought of himself as worthless- they _didn’t_. They still wanted to spend time with him, reassuring him that he wasn’t just a burden to them, that they still wanted him around despite what the dark side of his brain had fed to him while he kept himself cooped up at his desk or curled up in bed.

At the same time, though, a twinge of guilt struck him at the fact they must have been worried about him this whole time. He didn’t deserve that, he didn’t want to worry them like that. He didn’t want them to feel like it was their responsibility to cheer him up or keep him happy. They were already so busy, he could see the exhaustion in his eyes.

_Ugh, why couldn’t he just keep it together?_

“Don’t think about it too much, Don,” April is leaning up, grabing his hand and pulling him down.

He yelps, then he’s sitting next to them, watching all of their gaze’s land on him, giving him a comforting smile.

For a moment, he stay still, eyes darting from one pair of eyes to the next, before he finally lets himself relax, smiling back, eyebrows pulling together.

Raph grins, turning back to the projector. “Alright! Let’s get this movie started!”

“Whoo!” Mikey cheers, munching on the bowl of popcorn sitting between him and Leo.

Their eyes are focused on the screen, and as April leans back against one of the beanbag chairs, Donnie leans into her.

His head rests on her shoulder, albeit hesitantly at first, but as she wraps an arm around him, he curls up, relaxing against her.

It’s nice, and finally, for a moment, things feel normal again. _Actually_ normal. His shell is nothing more than a dull ache, and his mind is finally done screeching at him.

He can just _be_ for a moment. And he does.

\---------

Though they had all fallen asleep rather quickly, no doubt exhausted by their daily duties, it was still a moment Donnie held onto.

**_They still love me. They still need me. They still want me around._ **

When he registered his own shock about them putting it together for him, he realized just how low he felt about himself- and how bad it was getting, as much as he didn’t want to admit it.

Deep down, he could almost rationally pick apart his deep-rooted fears and insecurities- like how he feels if he can’t benefit them, they would no longer love him and he’d be useless- and realize how absurd it sounded.

But. . . _still_.

At the end of the day, the irrationalities screamed louder than the rational ones ever could.

The fears overrode every positive thought, shaking Donnie to his core each time.

He had to hold on to that moment, that undeniable proof of their love, even though his brain was trying it’s absolute best to spin it in a way that would make his outlook on it negative, feeding him false interpretations just to further askew his memories of the event.

So many cherished memories had been tarnished that way, and Donnie was determined not to let it happen again- as hard as it was to control.

If he just focused enough of his attention on rebuilding his tech, he could do it with much more ease.

Rebuilding it hadn’t been the easy task he thought it was, because issues made themselves apparent rather quickly. Each piece was shattered into bits, some broken beyond repair. It would take material- material he didn’t have nor could go get.

He couldn’t tell his brothers- or April- he didn’t want to bother them with it.

A frustrated sigh leaves his mouth, slamming his welding tool down with all the direct malice he felt about himself. The table shook, screws falling off and onto the ground, materials scattering.

“Donatello?”

Donnie’s shoulders tensed, jumping up from his chair to face who had called his name.

It sounded like-

Draxum was stood there, arms full of miscellaneous items.

Donnie felt his hackles raise, a mixture of fear and anger filling his body, immediately going on the defensive.

“Why are you in here?” He spat. This was _his_ lab, _his_ spot. His brothers barely could get the okay to come into his lab, why did Draxum think he could just waltz right in?

There’s something about that look on his face. It was too- _caring._ Too vulnerable.

It was the same one Splinter used to give him all the time when he was apologizing- that _dad_ look of nurturing and caring that he never, _ever_ expected to see on Draxum’s face.

He wasn’t too sure if he liked it at all.

Rather than respond, Draxum takes a step forward, stopping at his desk. He clears a spot with a gentle hand, then lays what he was carrying down.

It looks like-

“Uranium?”

Draxum looks back at him, eyes carrying a hopeful glint, but his goat ears stayed pulled back.

Donnie tensed, jaw clenching. Discomfort was overwhelming, and he tried to keep his face as hard as stone.

“I. .” Draxum begins, exhaling, “brought this for you. Your dad said you wanted uranium, so I figured-“

“Why?” Donnie interrupts, like a demand.

 ** _Why? What are you planning?_** He thinks, but leaves that unspoken.

“I owe you an apology for. . .everything.”

Those words hit Donnie with the weight of a freight train, causing his head to spin in so many different directions he doesn’t even know how to begin to respond.

Pulling the swivel chair back in it’s proper place, he sits down with a sarcastic snort, turning to face his desk instead of Draxum. “Never thought I’d hear those words from you.” He mutters, picking up the welding tool. He tries to act like he’s focused on whatever’s in front of him and not Draxum, but the effect of such attempt is probably lessened by how painfully obvious it is that he doesn’t exactly have anything of substance in front of him, just scraps of metal. “I won’t forgive you.” He snaps, coming from that deep place of resentment he’d kept in his heart all this time, that one that had been allowed to fester and grown the longer Draxum had been around.

“Understood.” The scientist speaks, but doesn’t leave.

Donnie can feel his gaze on him in the silence, hunching his shoulders in a tense discomfort. “Obviously not, if you’re _still_ here.”

“Donatello-“

“ _What?”_ Donnie hisses, spinning around in his chair, standing up with so much force it spins off to the side. “You think coming in here and offering me a hunk of metal is going to make it better?”

Draxum’s ears go back, eyebrows pulling together. “No, I-“

“You almost killed all of my brothers, do you know what it was like calming them down and tending to the wounds _you_ gave them?” He points an accusing finger right at Draxum, taking a step forward. “You released _Shredder,_ and he’s been trying to kill everyone since day one. _You_ did that! I know for a fact if you hadn’t been tricked, you would’ve killed us all with that suit of armor!” It was all bubbling to the surface, his voice laced with so much anguish, and fear and vitriol.

There’s a guilty look on Draxum’s face, one that sickeningly confirms both Donnie’s suspicions and his intentions.

Not like Draxum kept his intentions hidden back then.

“You didn’t want us! You thought we were nothing more than a failed project of yours. You _hated_ us.” Irritatingly, his eyes were filling with tears, shoulders shaking. “And that barely scratches the surface of everything you’ve done! Let’s not bring up the fact we’re now fighting you’re battles, and you haven’t even begun to apologize for it! If you think, even for a second, I’ll forgive you for all of it just because you give me some pieces of metal, think again. I don’t know _what_ my brothers see in you, but I don’t, and I never will!”

Draxum doesn’t speak for a long while, obviously giving Donnie the chance to say all he needed to. It was evident, though, Donnie had said his peace. Or at least what he could get out, because now his breathing was rapid and shallow, frustrated tears pricking at his eyes that made it apparent if Donnie tried speaking again, he would just burst into a sob.

Once Draxum knows he wouldn’t be cutting Donnie off, he speaks.

“I know. You don’t have to forgive me, and I don’t expect you to.” He starts, and his tone almost doesn’t register with Donnie. It’s so much more gentler and genuine than the perception of Draxum he’d had all this time. “I have lived my life alone, and because of it I did awful things. I did not know of the love from family, all I had was the bitter reality of life. That is what raised me.” He’s speaking slowly, as if choosing each word carefully. “I was- surprised, to say the least, that Michelangelo was willing to give me a second chance. I didn’t expect him to like me, much less consider me family. They saw what little good in me there was left, and allowed me a second chance despite the wrongs I’ve done. They showed me what true family was like, and made me realize I’ve lived my life all wrong.”

Donnie stands stock still, struggling for the words to respond as the ground seemed to sway under his feet. “Why’d you come here then? Why’d you come to the lair that night?”

That question gets Draxum to inhale. “To tell you the truth, it was the closest hiding spot. When I realized where I was- I figured it was worth a shot to come by. I didn’t think I’d even see tomorrow; much less be taken in and considered _family._ Or be given a second chance.” He moves over to the desk, beginning to organize the scattered contents. “When you got hurt, I grieved. Especially knowing _I_ was the cause for your injury. Your father, he told me you’d been wanting uranium for the longest time. I knew a simple apology would not suffice for the injury you obtained, so I went to get enough uranium to rebuild your tech, and some extra.” He turned to Donnie. “I figured- maybe I could help you rebuild it?”

Clenching his fists, he doesn’t say a word at first. _What the hell was he even supposed to say?_ “Why? So you can rub in my face how weak I am?” He spits out, mainly coming from his own place of projection. “I don’t need your condescension.”

Instead of the snarky, aggressive quip he’d expected in response, Draxum only shakes his head.

“Donatello, I do not think your weak.”

There’s a sincerity in his tone that almost scares Donnie, causing him to nearly shrink away.

“You are smart, and you are strong. I could not be any prouder in how you have grown up, and I regret not staying around to witness it. I was too busy focused on my own selfish, destructive goals to truly understand how important family was.” Hesitently, he reaches a hand out, setting it on Donnie’s shoulder.

The touch is feather-light, waiting for Donnie to flinch away or shove him off. But- as no discomfort registers, he sets it down more firmly. _Lovingly_.

“The innovation in your tech is astounding. Listening to your father speak about all your achievements- I was shocked.”

“My tech was crushed- so no, it’s not.” He snaps right back, but the sharpness is losing it’s touch. “You don’t need to lie to me. I’m the weakest, just say you pity me. Don’t tell me what you know I want to hear so I’ll accept your apology.”

“You’re projecting.” He says, calm and precise, causing Donnie to grit his teeth.

As much as he wanted that to anger him, to lash back out at him, he doesn’t. It doesn’t make him angry, because he was right. Donnie knew that.

Draxum was never the type to lie, he knew. The chances of him feeding Donnie false-confidences just to forgive him were slim. If Draxum truly didn’t care, he wouldn’t even bother apologizing, much less bringing him _uranium_ and risking his safety to get it.

“I don’t think your weak, and I don’t pity you. I think you’re strong, and you _are_. You never let your circumstances stop you, and you innovated technology to use it to your advantage to make you even stronger.” He shakes his shoulder a little as Donnie looks down. “Donatello, I think you’re brilliant.”

Silence follows, because Donnie is quickly becoming overwhelmed. Every perception of Draxum he had was just shattered down, had he really changed this much?

He was nothing like the power hungry, destructive scientist Donnie had grown to resent and hate.

Nothing like the horrifying perception Donnie had created in his head.

For a long moment, one amplified by the silence, Donnie doesn’t move an inch, or say a word.

Then, right before Draxum was about to speak, he moved forward.

Donnie wrapped his arms around Draxum, closing his eyes tightly as he pulled him into a hug.

A _hug._

One that obviously caught Draxum off guard.

Donnie still didn’t trust him, or accept the apology in full, but maybe, just maybe, this could be the _start_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed! ^^
> 
> Any comments or criticisms are very much appreciated! 
> 
> The title of this chapter is from the song "Bitter Sweet Symphony" by The Verve because I listened to it a lot while I wrote this chapter,,,
> 
> Feel free to follow me on Instagram if you'd like at @sqigglemetimbers !
> 
> Anywhooo, until next time! ^^

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed ^^ 
> 
> Any comments or criticisms is very much appreciated! 
> 
> The next part should be posted very soon! 
> 
> Feel free to follow me on my Instagram if you'd like @sqigglemetimbers !
> 
> Anywhoo, until next time! ^^


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